19 Lies Everyone’s Parents Told Them

1.

Going to college is an automatic golden ticket to success

It’s actually a one way ticket to an unpaid internship.

2.

Enjoy high school; it’s the best years of your life.

False. College is like high school–minus the curfews, but with the parties.

3.

If someone is mean, that just means they like you.

Or it just means that they don’t like you. Basically the same thing.

4.

Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you.

Tell that to my 6th grade bully.

5.

Everyone’s a winner!

Our winless little league team begged to differ.

6.

You need to learn cursive so you can write like an adult.

Besides the scribble I call my signature, I have not once used cursive during my adult life. It’s not even taught in most schools anymore!

7.

Eating carrots will help you see better.

Besides being scientifically false, nothing can ever reverse the inevitable damage caused from years of browsing the internet on small, lighted screens in dark rooms.

8.

The dog went to live on a farm where he’s happy.

We never knew Fido was dead, and we’ve been holding out hope ever since.

9.

If you are nice to others, they’ll be nice to you.

What fairytale land is this one from?

10.

Good things come to those who wait.

Yeah, like massive student loans after four years of college.

11.

If you do drugs once, it will ruin your life.

Chances are mom and dad tried them in their younger years. Besides, everyone knows it takes at least two times for your life to be ruined.

12.

If you cross your eyes too much, they’ll stay like that.

We all tried it out of curiosity, but fortunately it was a bold-faced lie. 

13.

Coffee stunts your growth.

That’s okay, i’ll just drink six Cokes instead. 

14.

Sitting too close to the TV will make you go blind.

In the age of the internet and iPhones this can never be more false. Besides i’d be more worried about the hours we spent in the dark playing Gameboy with a flashlight.

15.

Don’t go swimming for half an hour after you eat.

Okay, this may be true in SOME cases, but in reality they just didn’t want to deal with us wanting to go to the pool. But that’s fine, we’d probably drown without coffee energy either way.

16.

Cheaters never win.

Unless you’re a politician, athlete, lawyer, businessman…or hey, even teachers these days!

17.

Everything happens for a reason.

Except most of the time that reason was we were stupid and made a bad decision. 

18.

Going outside with cold hair will give you a cold.

Though it certainly won’t help, you technically get colds from other people. So unless you plan on having a makeout sesh with frozen hair, you’re probably good.

19.

There’s nowhere to go from here but up!

This one may be true. But that’s only because your advice has gotten us to the very bottom.

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