20 APPROPRIATE REASONS FOR YOU TO CRY
We are all quite aware that life is rough, and usually drowning yourself in liquor or screaming obscenities at strangers on the street are good ways to handle the stress. But then there are times when those coping mechanisms won’t suffice, and you find yourself needing another outlet: crying. Here are 20 reasons why it’s actually appropriate for you to cry.
1. Your Phone Screen Cracks
I get a cold chill down my spine anytime I see someone casually looking at their cracked screen like nothing is wrong. Do you not see your phone?! It’s ruined. It’s as broken as my emotions.
2. Dropping Your Sunglasses in the Urinal
That’s what you get for wearing your sunglasses in a public restroom. Now they are covered with the town’s piss and poo, and you’re covered in salty tears.
3. Your Team Loses the Big Game
“It’s only a game,” she said, as I continued to bite into my pillow, hoping she wouldn’t hear me calling her every name in the book through my sobs.
4. Stubbing Your Pinky Toe
Never has something so small caused you so much pain. Not even the death of your pet hamster hurt as much as this.
5. The Elevator Being Out of Order
You don’t have to reach the top floor. You’ll come back another day.
6. Your Snack Getting Stuck in the Vending Machine
All you wanted was a little snack to get you through the day. And all you got was a snack trapped in the claw that is the man.
7. It’s Monday
There, there. We’re all in this together. Now hit “snooze” a few more times and really get those last remaining tears out.
8. Your DVR Not Recording Your Show
You know friends can betray you, but you never thought your DVR would. What a horrible, sinking feeling to be let down by someone you thought loved you.
9. Your Wi-Fi Not Working
Tough to move on from this.
10. Expired Coupon
Those half-priced Oreos were supposed to save your life. Now there’s no point in going on.
11. Your Favorite Show Ending
So many seasons gone in a flash. Don’t worry, avid TV watcher. You can re-watch it for years on Netflix.
12. Adele on the Radio
Not only do you now hate men, but your face is a tear-covered mess.
13. Realizing Your New Shirt has the Security Tag Still Attached
Before you plot revenge on the cashier, a good cry is needed.
14. Hitting Your Finger on the Car Door During Winter
Go ahead and sit in your car. Now close the door. Now yell like you’ve never yelled before.
15. When a Dog Dies in a Movie
Why, Cujo, why? Why did you have to leave us so soon?
16. Doing Math
Just, no. I don’t understand why these two trains left at the same time, and why “X” has to be something. Just, I can’t.
17. When You’re a Dollar Short of Free Shipping
What did you do in your past life to deserve this injustice?
18. Having to Sit in the Front Row at a Movie Theater
Now you get to spend the next two hours looking up, as single tears run down your face while your neck is damaged.
19. No Hot Water
The only good thing is you can’t tell what’s water and what’s tears.
20. The Words “President Hillary Clinton”
Ugly cry while you look at yourself in the mirror. You’ve earned it.