What ever happened to the simple pleasures of just, you know, doing it? These days, there are so many different fetishes and unique sexual preferences that it’s easy to lose track of them all. There’s literally porn for everything from milk enemas to ghetto grannies.

Ghetto grannies, though, are tame compared to these 20 interesting, odd, very real sexual fetishes. Time to broaden your viewing experiences!

Agalmatophilia is the attraction to inanimate objects

You know, like statues, dolls, and mannequins. I don’t blame them. Some mannequins are pretty damn hot. Especially Kim Cattrall, who is now more plastic than person.

Macrophiliacs get off to giant things

With innovations in editing, there are films that depict massive individuals engaging in sexual acts with regular-sized folk. That doesn’t mean some Andre the Giant fan fiction — I’m talking Godzilla-sized dong. So… maybe Andre the Giant fan fiction?

Spectrophiliacs are riled up by ghosts

Needless to say, bustin’ makes them feel good.

Trichophiliacs dig long hair

I’m curious how long is considered “fetish long,” because I may have a mild case of this. Call me?

Kleptolagnia is all about stealing

Sure, some people get a rush out of stealing, but it actually sexually arouses these people. I’m guessing they’re huge Jane’s Addiction fans, too.

Katoptronophilia is a fetish for mirrors

These people enjoy masturbating in front of their reflection or having orgies in front of mirrors. Also, you ever notice that when you masturbate to a video of yourself masturbating, it’s the perfect length?

Abasiophiliacs are into leg braces or other orthopedic appliances

These people probably love to the first half of Forrest Gump and then shut it off once he starts running. Most of us do, actually.

Coprophilia is the sexual attraction to feces

Most coprophiliacs enjoy watching others go number two. There is, however, a sub-category called “coprophagia” which is the sexual fetish of eating doo doo. “2 Girls 1 Cup” makes so much sense now! Wait, no it doesn’t.

Hobophilia is all about sexual fantasies with homeless people

“Hey, want to go back to your place?” “Sorry, I don’t have a place.” SPLOOSH!

Tripsolagniacs are aroused by having their hair shampooed

Tripsolagniacs are lucky because they can go get their hair washed at the nearest hairdresser and it’s basically like visiting a rub n’ tug.

Axillism is the desire to have sex with someone’s armpit

I mean… I guess… at the right angle… with enough imagination… perhaps some lube or on a hot, sweaty day… no.

Paraphilic infantilism is the fetish of wearing a diaper and pretending to be a baby

Well, at least there’s no cleanup?

Chelonaphilia means you have a thing for turtles

I don’t mean those tall, ripped, sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja ones. This is an arousal to plain, old, ordinary, stupid turtles.

Formicophiliacs have a bug thing

And by “thing,” we mean having them crawl on your genitals. Also, no.

Hematolagniacs are basically sexual vampires

They drink blood. In a sexual way. It’s like real-life Twilight! I knew there had to be a word for all those sexy vampires who prefer sparkling to smiling.

Ursusagalmatophiliacs get randy from teddy bears

These are the people who would toss aside Mila Kunis and Mark Wahlberg to get to Ted. They’re also the only people who went to see Ted 2. Twice.

Claustrophilia is the sexual attraction to tight places

I will now consciously avoid making a dirty joke involving “tight places” and move on.

Climacophiliacs achieve sexual arousal from seeing someone fall down stairs

The longer and more painful the tumble, the hotter it is! These are the absolute worst people to watch Looney Tunes with.

Mysophilia is when rotting flesh turns someone on

Basically, The Walking Dead is like Cinemax.

Psellismophilia is arousal by stuttering

Whether the person who gave it such a hard-to-pronounce name is just cruel or really good at turning people on is up for debate.




OMG hobophilia is a thing? Please tell me someone made that up.

okay i admit it… I have hobophilia. Nothing better than a homeless old beggar lady that smell like doritos. What a turn on.

Axillism – I’d try that.

Climacophiliacs – I dunno, but if you throw yourself down a flight of stairs, I’ll have a go at beating off while you do it.

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