“Yes, it is a little difficult to install. But trying to get the bike in and out will make that seem easy in comparison.”

“I wanted to design a bottle opener that could possibly kill you if you tripped and fell while carrying it.”

This is one of those things that a policeman sees in your apartment and it instantly gets you added to a SUSPECTS list. “I’m telling you, Chief, I got a feeling about this guy….”

I am impressed. By how many different people had to be on cocaine in order for this to go into production.

“It’s part of my ‘Mid-level Eastern European Crime Boss’ collection.”

“I wanted to create arbitrarily asymmetrical flatware featuring a difficult-to-clean crevice. Also, removing material from the knife blade makes the act of spreading butter delightfully challenging.”

“Traditional tape dispensers are too easy to handle. I wanted mine to be smaller and fiddly, with no obvious way to grasp it while dispensing. I also curved the cutting blade, because I think most people hate it when tape has straight edges.”

“New trend we’re starting: ‘High Plants.'”

“I wanted to combine my passion for Taoism with my love of inefficient storage space.”

“Our new glass rectangle now comes with three glass circles!”

“While most beds provide convenient ingress/egress from the sides, I wanted to design one where you need to crawl in and out through the foot of the bed. I also wanted it to be difficult to make the bed each morning.”

“As you continue to sit on this wallet over time, it will develop a beautifully crunchy, splintery patina.”

“Every time I close the door I yell ‘Beam me up, Potty!’ It never gets old.”

This seat looks like what Drakkar Noir smells like.

“My target market: Carpenters who love Tron.”

“My design conveniently stores the staples in the top of the stapler. You know, the part of the stapler that you press on with your…hand. Okay, maybe I didn’t think this through…. Hey Jeff! Jeff! Do you know if they make blunt staples?”


“It’s glass, inherently unstable, and filled with both water and a living creature. This is what I call exciting design!”

“I wanted to design a chair that you can only clean with an air compressor.”

“I’m trying to design a series of sleep pods that make it look like you’re being vomited by Pac-Man.”

“I wanted the front end to look like a giant Cyclops grouper fish having sex with a hammerhead shark.”

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