21 Jokes About Being Fucking Freezing You Should Read Under Seven Blankets –
It’s time to wrap yourself up in your favorite Snuggie, and your favorite Snuggie in your finest heated blanket, and sit down with your favorite heated blanket next to your favorite trash fire, and read some funny tweets about how much this sucks.
In the East, it could be the COLDEST New Year’s Eve on record. Perhaps we could use a little bit of that good old Global Warming that our Country, but not other countries, was going to pay TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS to protect against. Bundle up!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 29, 2017
Baby, as the president so astutely pointed out, it’s super f*cking cold outside.
Believe it or not, global climate change is very real even if it’s cold outside Trump Tower right now. Just like there is still hunger in the world, even if you just had a Big Mac. https://t.co/VCGyGRWGCJ
— Dr. Jonathan Foley (@GlobalEcoGuy) December 29, 2017
I wish I was as excited about anything as climate change deniers are about 7-degree weather.
— Brook Lundy (@brooklundy1) December 29, 2017
The key to staying warm is layers. Layers and layers of cake eaten in your bed as you stay home watching movies all day.
— Brian Frange (@brianfrange) February 20, 2015
Today is the type of day where if you still dress to look cool instead of dress to stay warm, you’re an asshole.
*slips on pair of breathable Ultra Boosts with ventilated open mesh*
— KFC (@KFCBarstool) December 28, 2017
Fortune teller [gazing into crystal ball]: I see a cold, icy, blizzard engulfs you-
Me: thats a snow globe
Fortune teller: fuck. Gimme a sec
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 3, 2015
Honestly its cold to the point that if anyone invites me outside I'm taking it as an insult.
— #ENDSARS (@FitWithMarilyn) December 29, 2017
#ItsSoCold the flashers in NYC are just describing themselves -Dick Cavett, circa 1971
— Josh Mankiewicz (@JoshMankiewicz) December 28, 2017
— Hillary Miller (@CricketArt67) December 28, 2017
My lips are blue because it's so cold, not because I was blowing a Smurf.
— Ricki DJ Staxx Tarr (@ShootyDoody) December 29, 2017
It’s so cold this morning hot singles are not in my area.
— C’est La Vie Essential Tweeter (@Robert_Beau) December 29, 2017
It's so cold my dog has created a new game. She walks to the door, I open it for her to go outside, she sniffs the arctic air, looks at me, and then walks back to the couch.
Three minutes later, she's back at the door assuming it has magically warmed up again.
All. Day. Long. pic.twitter.com/CZmeZJ5MUY
— Josh Jordan (@NumbersMuncher) December 28, 2017
It's so cold that "go to hell" is a compliment
— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) December 29, 2017
Winter weather makes my hands look like a bouquet of lizard dicks
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) March 15, 2013
It is warm in my house but cold outside, so global warming exists only in my house. If I just open the doors and windows, everything will even out and I will solve global warming. You're welcome.
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) December 29, 2017