People’s houses hold all sorts of secrets. It’s why hoarders are so fascinating— the idea that behind all these normal front doors we see every day are some true horror stories. According to the fine people of Reddit, hoarding is just one of some really weird things that go on at people’s homes.
People who do house calls really get to see these things. Those who come to sell, install, or move things get a glimpse of the most intimate parts of people’s lives. It’s not just cheating wives, creepy kids, and a whole lot of poop where poop should never be. Seeing into someone’s home is a direct look at people’s inner sanctum – and they’ve got an all-access pass to the madness. How can seemingly normal homes hide so much? From pet cemeteries to mannequins to maybe murderers, there’s a lot going on behind closed doors.
The Baby Bottle
I was a resident assistant at a university. The dorm across campus had some sort of transformer accident with PCB’s being released in it, and required a full evacuation with the building having to be abandoned and cordoned so no one could go in. This meant all belongings we left behind.
The cleaning crew involved some campus maintenance, and I had a part-time job there. During cleanup of a female resident director’s apartment, we found a jack-sparrow-like treasure chest, full of dildos, strap-ons, lubricants, fake torsos, amyl nitrates, etc. Looking at the box full of penasia, I thought it was a bit excessive.
Some of the crew that cleaned up the bed (which I did not see) reported this: The bed had under the covers a two-foot-long dildo with the head portion on a pillow, all tucked in, a diaper in the base, with a baby bottle full of a yellowish substance on the night table.
I saw some of what they reported after they cleaned up and we all thought bottle looked like old collected cum.
An Axe Murderer In Training
I used to be a delivery boy at an appliance store so this is just one of my stories.
A coworker and I are delivering a washer and dryer to a really trashy trailer park and the guy is outside wearing only underwear and drinking a beer. We get the washer and dryer out of the truck and into his extremely tight doorways until we realize the laundry room doorway isn’t big enough. Naked red neck grabs an axe and completely destroys the door way so the washer and drier would fit.
Just Ignore Dave
I used to work for a company that did valuations on vehicles for insurance purposes. On occasion we would have to go to a client’s house to see the car, take pics, etc.
One afternoon two of us get sent out to this lady’s house to collect information on her rare Mercedes convertible. When we arrive she invites us in and tells us that the car is in the garage. She is leading us through the house towards the garage and as we walk through a room there is a guy standing in the corner of the room wearing only a jock strap and he has a ball gag in his mouth. As if it is a normal situation she just says, ‘That’s Dave, never mind him. He won’t bother you.'”
A run-of-the-mill tech geek, I help people with pretty much any computer problem as a side job. I mostly get work from word-of-mouth recommendations. A guy wanted some help ripping DVDs and some other things, so I set up a time and go over to his trailer.
The place is pretty wrecked but it’s not an issue. I have to ring-in at the gate because the Rottweilers won’t let me get to the door. He knew I was there anyway because of the surveillance equipment mounted to each end and door of the trailer.
I go in, and the computer is in the back, so we walk to the rear. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a trailer but no 1970s trailer was built to hold a king-sized bed. Two rough white girls are laying in the bed, toasted. I worked on the computer, wrote some step-by-step instructions to make his life easier, installed some software, and went over everything with him. As I get ready to leave, he pulls out a wad of cash, all hundreds, easily $25-$30K in total. He gives me $100 and thanks me for all my help and escorts me out.
A few weeks later, I went back to help a little more. New girls, same scenario, but this time before I leave he was flat broke, zero money. Shocker.
I never went back again, and haven’t seen him since. Mostly because he’ll be in prison for at least 15 more years.
“I work in home healthcare, and I’ve seen it all.
Ever see hoarders? got a patient that her house is so bad that she has to leave so my driver can deliver her oxygen tank. It literally has enough room in it for her, her dog, and her oxygen. That’s it.
Guns guns everywhere. Some people like to leave guns out, apparently in an effort to either ‘scare’ me, or to make them feel more secure for having a stranger in their house. I’ve done machine setups while surrounded by handguns.
Meth labs! Went into a house that was filled with a smell that I can only describe as ‘burning mothball’. was informed that this is a smell associated with making meth.
Dead people! Went to a house for an appointment with a patient. i could see her sitting in her chair, but couldn’t get her to answer the door no matter what. Dogs inside going nuts, calling her phone, nothing. Checked the handle, it was open. Opened it a hair, yelled her name as loud as I could, nothing. Called the cops, and yep, died in her chair. She was a sweet lady too.
Had a particular patient who wasn’t that bright. They had a commode (bedside toilet). The bucket for the commode broke. While waiting for a new one, they just pulled the bucket out, and proceeded to sh*t and piss all over the floor.
Can’t think of anything else at the moment, but pretty much, you name it, I’ve seen it.”
The Frame Of Glory
“I used to be a plumber for a short while and the company had a big job changing radiators in council housing. So I saw a lot of weird stuff, bad smells, disgusting people. But the worst was in a relatively nice house. Clean with a happy looking family. I noticed a front page clipping of a newspaper framed on the wall.
Turns out the owner of the house one-punched a guy to death. The guy was the cousin of a famous footballer so it was sort of big news. I can’t remember the exact details but because it was only one punch the death was not considered murder outright.
So yeah, the guy killed someone and is proud enough about it to frame it for his young daughters to see. He probably still smiles about it.”
The Nazi Lover
“Work as a Low Voltage Security installer (home security and small business and the like).
I’m like 99% sure this one old lady we installed for was a Nazi..
She had a VERY LARGE amount of Pro-Nazi WWII books and items… hardcore German accent… two perfectly trained German shepherds.. And a photo of her in what looked to be late teens/early 20s with a god damn Iron Cross around her neck…
Nicest lady in the world and outside of visiting her home, you wouldn’t have ever known. Her husband she married recently (within 5-7 years ago) is like this hardcore full blooded American guy (the kind who only buys ‘Made in America’ items and what not).”
The Hanging Teddy
“I went to an apartment on the outskirts of town to unclog a sewer line. When I got there, a rather large man met me at the door, and showed me in. The first weird thing was that he had a toilet in his bedroom, but that wasn’t that weird. Every square inch of wall in his room was covered with pictures of porn, but wait it gets weirder. In his closet, he had candles and more pictures, and there was a giant teddy bear tied to the ceiling… I didn’t ask any questions.”
The Total Waste
“I do a lot of work for the diplomatic circles (Ottawa). The government of Malawi bought up a few properties around the city. A 7-figure home for the ambassador and a just-shy-of-7-figure home for the embassy. They then pulled out and closed down their missions, but sat on ~3-4 million in unused properties that slowly decayed.
A little more than a year ago they sold the former embassy. In the basement we found 6 premature baby incubators that had been donated but never shipped back to Malawi. I wondered how many children died while the government sat on donated aide and properties they were letting depreciate in value.”
“But without a doubt, the craziest thing ever was about 15 years ago. I had to install an a/c at a house where a schizophrenic lady lived. Her father, the owner of the house, was a great guy, a regular customer. I had been to his daughters house a few times, and for some reason, she was ok with me. Her father had told me ahead of time how to act, what to not say, etc. So, I got along fine with her. Well, we had a new guy on that job, and he was just out of refrigeration school. He was wearing his uniform he got from the school, as his work issued ones hadn’t arrived yet. It had some kind of patch on the shoulder, like a cross. Also, this guy was tall, like 6’2, and had a shaved head. We get to the job, I go in first to she how she is first, and she seems normal. So I bring the new guy in, to introduce him to her, to make sure she will be ok with him. The second she laid eyes on him, she turned into some kind of evil demon. ‘NAZI NAZI NAZI!’ she starts screaming, I mean at the TOP of her lungs. The new guy is frozen in fear. I am standing between him and her. She starts grabbing things, books, knickknacks, anything she can, and is hurling them at the new guy, all the while screaming stuff about Nazis and Jew Killers and shes not going to die today… I told the new guy to run. Somehow I managed to calm her down. I called her father. He had to take her somewhere else for a couple days while we did the job. It really surprised me because I mean me and her would have normal conversations all the other times I was there, but I guess she just snapped when she saw the new guy.”
“I had to go fix a woman’s computer once, and the house was ridiculously nasty….we’re talking dirty cups on the counter filled to the brim with roaches struggling to escape nasty. So her computer won’t do anything at all when you push the button. A totally dead box. I open it to see what the problem was, and the problem was roaches. Thousands of them. A boiling mass that was a little better than a third of a decent sized full ATX case. So many roaches had been chewed up in the fans none of them worked anymore. I nipped out of there and she did not get her computer fixed.”
A (Maybe) Hostage
“I own a PC repair co. Basically we collect, fix, drop, but sometimes we have to fix wireless issues or unplug/move computers which means spending time in the house.
One time I was invited in by a couple and there was another guy on the sofa watching TV. What caught my attention was that he was sat in a warm house with a big thick hooded anorak on.
Anyway I got on with what I was doing. I solved the problem and stood up and the guy on the sofa doesn’t move his head from looking at the TV but mouths the words ‘help me’. It took me a second to process that. I looked again, and he did it again. The couple were stood behind him and hadn’t seen this.
I looked at him and said ‘Okay, got it.’ as if I was talking about the IT issue. I got paid and was out of there fast. I went straight to the police station and gave them the story. They followed it up but I was never called to court so maybe it was a joke or something.”
The Chicken Parade
“Everything’s cool. Then a chicken walks out of the back room. The chicken is wearing a red baseball jersey and red baseball cap. Then another chicken appears in a pink dress. And another one in a brown sweater. They walk over to drag guy and he casually pets one as he’s talking to me. The princess chicken craps on his floor and he cleans it up with a paper towel. No big deal. Just a very friendly likeable guy who is very serious about dressing as a woman and his costumed poultry.”
A Dr. Dolittle In Training
“Electrician here. When I was an apprentice I worked in a old lady’s house who rescued parrots. Most of them had no feathers at all due to stress. So it was like working in a room full of live pieces of chicken that could swear at you.”
“This actually happened in my own home. I was 16 and my parents had not long separated and one of our toilets got badly clogged. With dad not being around my mum had to call a plumber. I was hanging around while he worked. He found about 50 crumpled up photos of my dad, clogging it up. With scorch marks. Apparently my mum tried to burn them and panicked and chucked them in the nearest water receptacle.”
The Snake Factory
“Was installing a home security system.
The lady was nice as hell. But she owned a loooot of pythons.
A lot of free range pythons.A lot of leg cuddling free range pythons.”
A Cabbage For You
“My Dad installs curtains. Once house was a real mess. Just generally untidy. But in the bedroom, the bed was covered in cabbages and sex toys. The sex toys didn’t bother him – but the cabbages confuse him to this day.”
Birds Of A Feather
“I used to work as a fire safety technician. One time I was having a look at someone’s smoke alarm because they complained it was beeping every now and then. Get inside and there were 50 birds flying freely around the apartment all squawking and newspaper all over the floor so they didn’t mess it up. Had no idea how they ever heard the snow alarm beeping.”
The Pet Cemetery
“I clean houses for a living and a couple I cleaned for regularly had three cats and two dogs. no big deal. Except the woman I worked for would make me change the litter and I was obviously the only one doing it. 3 cats- 1 tray- once a week! Anyway I started noticing the photos around the house were all professional photographs of them and their pets or just blown up portraits of other dogs and cats. Then as I was cleaning a massive bookshelf in the lounge room I realize almost every shelf is a little urn or RIP plaque, all with names like ‘mittens’ and ‘roger’ on them. It was like a pet cemetery right there by the TV! I get it, I love my pets, but this was insane! One of the dogs they had at the time looked 100. He was blind and had really bad arthritis. One day I realized he was really going down hill, I was just finishing up (it was a 3 hour job- huge house) and had just mopped when I see Oscar the old dog lying in his own shit and piss on the floor. I cleaned him up and put him in his bed, he didn’t seem in pain or anything but I wasn’t sure what to do. I called the owner and she said ‘I know he’s getting on but I’m just waiting for a sign’. There were no more signs! He was waaaaay over-done! Anyway, she put him down and sure enough he joined the ranks of those before him. Poor Oscar. Sorry for the long story but trying to paint a picture of this creepy pet morgue.”