Don’t be a statistic. Know the signs.

1. He says, “Try not to wake up my grandma.”


2. You spot a pack of adult-sized diapers on the nightstand.

3. She says, “You’ve never been with a girl like me.”

4. You can smell the fact that he took off his pants.


5. She gives you a hand job like she’s trying to start a fire with sticks.

6. He mentions that the Indian food might not be “sitting right.”

7. You start going at it and they make absolutely NO noise.

8. There are pictures of her ex ALL OVER the bedroom.


9. He voices an opinion on your pubic hair.

10. She has to clear all the stuffed animals off her bed first.

11. He’s explains that he has beige sheets “because they hide stains well.”

12. He kisses with his mouth completely open (and your entire face is fair game).


13. He says “Cool underwear. Is it laundry day?”

14. There’s a crib in the corner.

15. He reminisces about that one time when this “crazy girl” wanted to be on top.

16. She says she’s dying to try a new move she read about in Cosmo.


17. She comes out of the bathroom in lingerie, and her boobs are 1/16th the size they were at the bar.

18. He says “I have to be in bed by 11:30, that’s enough time, right?”

19. She informs you it’s been a year since her last “intercourse” (shudder).

20. They make you sign a waiver.

21. He says “The safe word is ‘Shia Labeouf’.”




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