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23 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

 

horsebackman[1]

The truth isn’t always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

1. Dutch woman held in Qatar after making rape complaint


afp

Yeah, makes total sense to villify the victim by keeping her in prison for 3 months because she committed “adultery” after she was drugged and raped.

2. Japanese ‘naked restaurant’ to ban overweight diners


istock

“Waiter, there’s a pube in my salad, replace it for me would you and kick that fat b*tch out while you’re at it.”

3. Martha Stewart: ‘Orange is the New Black’ not as good as real thing


cnn

Wait, what do you mean, “good”?

4. Police say smiling dog in selfie must leave community


abc7

UNHAPPY DOGS ONLY!

5. EU referendum: British public wrong about nearly everything, survey shows


independent

Wait, what do they mean, everything? Are they wrong about being British too? Which would mean that they’d be…right? Whoa.

6. Jesus is back in The Passion of the Christ 2


youtube

The Passion Of The Christ: It’s Personal.

7. Axe throwing bar off to good start in Halifax


cbc

“Well, no one died.”

8. Unprecedented telemarketing violation case could lead to trillion dollar fine


viacom

And hopefully shut down the tele-marketing business down for good.

9. Trump on Jeb endorsement: ‘Who the hell cares?’


freedomworks

Way to kick a man when he’s down, Donald.

10. Senate candidate Angle’s mailer sends voters to cartoon porn site with her opponent’s name


las vegas review journal

We are officially entering the Trump era of politics.

11. Britain’s Royal Navy warships are breaking down because sea is too hot


cnn

But global warming isn’t real, or anything.

12. Man Charged After Slapping Woman with Chicken


twcnews

How the hill did that even happen?

13. Most bestiality is legal, declares Canada’s Supreme Court


flickr

….hooray?

14. Family Transforms 25-Foot Silo Into Enormous Minion


abcnews

This f*cking movie.

15. Federal Government Invented iPhone, Says Nancy Pelosi

Explains why they’re so inadequate and cost so much of your money.

16. Bike Thief lassoed by man on horseback in Wal-Mart parking lot


kobi5

Only in America!

17. ‘Silent fireworks’ display was too noisy, say parents


getty

These event exist?

18. Italian newspaper draws criticism with ‘Mein Kampf’ giveaway


yournewswire

Didn’t Mussolini write anything that they could’ve given away instead?

19. California Black Lives Matter activist convicted of ‘felony lynching’


youtube

Jesus.

20. Truck hauling more than 400 beehives involved in chain reaction crash on I-85


twitter

Welcome to my nightmare.

21. Cows help cops catch suspect


witn

Police we over the MOOn.

22. The World’s “Ugliest” Color Could Help People Quit Smoking


smithsonianmag

You figure the stained, decayed teeth and mouths of oral cancer victims would be enough.

23. Woman dies after being impaled by flying beach umbrella at Virginia Beach


flickr

This isn’t what Rihanna was singing about…I hope.

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