23 Of The Biggest Lies People Kept Up For Way Too Long

23 Of The Biggest Lies People Kept Up For Way Too Long


People tell little lies all the time, because human beings get embarrassed and confused easily. Most of the time, these largely white lies fall into the abyss and are never recalled. However, in this case of these 23 tales of deceit culled from a

few different Reddit threads, these lies sometimes spiral out of control and last for much longer than initially planned—as in years.

Keep up a lie for long enough, and maybe it’ll come true because karma hates you.

1. Every once in a while there comes along a cupcake you must eat. Robotnixon encountered a cupcake like this at a young age.

In the second grade a kid brought in cupcakes for his birthday. For 30 kids he had 25 chocolate and 5 vanilla, in case someone didn’t like chocolate. I REALLY wanted a vanilla cupcake, so for some reason raised my hand and let the class know that I was allergic to chocolate.

This was apparently a really big deal to the kids in the class, and by recess it had spread through the school. For the next few days I was repeatedly asked if I was really allergic to chocolate, and I kept the lie going.

I never relented. I was the kid who was allergic to chocolate. Everyone knew that. Subsequent birthdays included chocolate free desserts for me. The school nurse had me on an allergy list. A note was sent home for the next few years alerting parents of the issue. I obviously never took mine home, and somehow this never got back to my parents.

I kept the lie going until I was 22. At that point I’d pretty much lost contact with everyone I’d gone to school with.

Tl;dr Wanted a vanilla cupcake so I gave up chocolate for 15 years.

2. Andersonenvy did not have a knack for singing.

My parents wanted me to be in “an activity” in high school.

I pretended to be in choir from 9th grade – 12th grade. I even had a choir robe (given to me) that I would dress up in, and actually leave the house whenever there was a choir performance – just finding someplace to hide, usually in an alleyway near my school.

One day, my mom came to see the choir perform. After the show, she said she didn’t see me up there singing, but, I swore I was up there, she probably just didn’t look hard enough. I also told her my name wasn’t in the program because of a misprint. I still can’t believe she bought that.

I did end up getting busted though, just before I graduated during a parent-teacher conference. My parents were not happy. They were so angry, that they said they wouldn’t even punish me – as this behavior went beyond punishment – and I’d just have to live my life knowing how much I’d let them down. It worked, because, obviously I’ve never forgotten it.

3. Not all lies are bad: suitology‘s lie resulted in a useful skill.

friend of mine pretended to be left handed to switch his seat in class so he could sit next to this “cute thin blonde girl that smells like strawberries” that was actually left handed. He learned to write left handed and even switched hands for sports. he did this from 9th grade until we graduated. They are still going and he is ambidextrous now.

4. Erkinse is technically honest when he tells his girlfriend this now.

When I met my girlfriend I told her I smoked, because I thought it’d make me look cooler, (Yes I know it’s a fucking dumb thing to say) and that I would stop if she didn’t like it. Three and a half years later and she still thinks I quit for her. I feel like such shit whenever the topic comes up and she tells me how proud she is of me but it’s gone on for so long I just gotta smile and say “It was nothing”.

5. Qwertysac is a loving father.

I got married 4 years ago. There’s this guy at work who’s one of THOSE people. The type that keep asking you when you are planning on having a baby once you’re married.

Since we didn’t really have much in common and he heard i got married, that’s the only thing he could come up with to start a conversation. It was just water cooler banter.

I kept telling him “when the time is right”… but he still kept asking me every time i ran into him.

“So, any kids on the way?”

“Hey, expecting any time soon?”

“Any plans on having a baby?”

I got sick of it. One day i just told him “yes, she’s pregnant, we’re having a boy.”.. I figured it would shut him up.

I was so wrong. Jacob is 2 years old now, he started teething, he’s said his first word, he keeps us up at night and… he doesn’t fucking exist.

I’ve told my wife about this and she’s thinks i’m an idiot. At this point, there’s no looking back.

A follow-up story in which this “mom” meets her husband’s co-worker would be nice.

6. CockMeatSandwich got drunk with co-workers, which was a mistake.

I am red green colorblind. One Friday night, a bunch of co-workers and I went out to happy hour at a bar nearby. Everyone was pretty buzzed/drunk at the time and I mentioned that I am colorblind. Most people think there is only one kind of colorblindness, when You mention that you are colorblind, they automatically assume that you only see in gray-scale. This was the case this time around as well. Being a little drunk at the time, I didn’t correct them because they were having such a happy time making jokes and stuff, I didn’t want to burst their bubble and ruin the mood.

Its been a few months now and people here around work still believe that I am totally colorblind. I’m in way too deep now and I have to keep this charade going. There’s been times when I almost said something like “That blue taco truck is outside our office again” before catching myself, in order not to expose myself.

7. Heightening the truth for co-workers is one thing. Appropriating a famous origin story, like Thatrandomguy007 did, is on a whole other level.

Ever since 7th grade, all of my closest friends have believed that I’m color blind. None of them know to this day, which is surprising, since my story detailing why I was suddenly became color blind was pretty much Daredevil’s origin story.

8. ​This dude got his appendix out. He wasn’t in it for the ice cream.

When I was about 14, I was on a beach with my Grandmother, brother and 2 sisters. A woman nearby us took her bikini top off, and my teenage mind exploded with hormonal lust. As a result I had to lie face down on the sand to hide my obvious excitement from my family.

Usually I would go swimming (love the sea) and my Grandmother asked why I wasn’t going in the water. I lied and said that I had a pain in my side and this was the only way I could stay comfortable. This went on for long enough that she took me to the doctor the next day. I maintained the lie and as he poked and prodded my abdomen I went ‘ow’ and ‘ouch’ at random intervals to reinforce my story (hardly wanting to admit that my first sight of a topless woman had given me a hardon the likes of which I’d never experienced before.)

The doctor pronounced that I might have appendicitis, and to cut a long story short I ended up having an operation to remove it. 3 days in hospital and a long scar (this was in the early 80s, no keyhole surgery was available for the appendix at that time).

At least I know I’ll never get appendicitis, but hell, that was a long and painful experience just for getting aroused at the sight of an adult woman’s tits 🙂

TL;DR: Got horny on the beach, lied to my Grandmother, got my appendix taken out. Would do again.

9. ​This person falsely avoided danger, all for the glory of seeing a cute dog.

When I was about 8, my little brother saw a husky dog and was talking about it non-stop all dinner time. I was so pissed that he saw this awesome dog that I piped up with “I saw one too! A man stopped his car when I was walking home with Jordi and he had a husky in the back of his car and he asked if we wanted to pat it. We didn’t pat it, but we saw it, so I saw a cool dog too!”

My mom was immediately on the phone with Jordi’s mom (who obviously knew nothing about this) but since there was an incidence of a guy a few towns over abducting a child, the parents went into momma-bear mode. The cops came to my house and asked me for a description of the guy and the car, and I was so terrified they were going to take me to prison that I stuck with this story to the bitter end. I described the car, the guy, and the dog in absolutely (entirely made up) vivid detail. The neighborhood had signs up on all the telephone poles, the elementary school organized car pools and attendance lists so no child was unaccounted for. This went on for weeks.

The panic slowly petered out, but the story stuck and every time my family would get together for years to come, the story about how glad my parents were that I had such a great memory for detail and how it was so good that Jordi and I never got into a car with strangers. I still haven’t come clean.

tl;dr: I just wanted my brother to stop bragging about that fucking husky dog.

10. PSA: Ian is OK. He’s living with the liar of this tale, Phallics.

I guess this counts as out of control.

After 5th grade, my friend Ian (who was in 4th grade) moved away to a different city. The next year when school started again, the kids in his grade realized that he wasn’t around.

One day I ran into someone in his grade and they asked what happened to Ian. For some reason, my automatic resopnse was just, “He died i a horrible car crash.” The kid was in awe. I assumed he was just mad that I gave him a douchey answer, so I didn’t think anything of it when he just walked away.

Nothing really came of the situation immediately, but a couple years later I had someone else in that grade ask me about my friend. I told them that I just talked to him the other night and he was doing great. The guy just stood there dumbfounded. “I’m talking about Ian. The one that died in a car accident.” he said as if I was a monster for forgetting about my best friend. I had no idea what he was talking about. He explained that I told someone that and now everyone in his grade thinks hes dead. Suddenly I realized what happened and explained that I was lying. He realized that even if he told everyone that Ian is alive, no one would believe him, so we kept it a secret.

Flash forward to late High School when Ian came to visit. He wasn’t the kind of person who aged unrecognizably. We were at the park or something like that and we ran into someone he knew back in the day. After talking to the guy for a while, he told my friend he looked really familliar. Ian introduced himself and explained that he went to grade school with him. You could see the gears turning in the guys head, when suddenly it clicked. Instead of the excitement that Ian was expecting, he was met with the blankest of stares. At that point I had to explain to both of them what happened. Both agreed that the situation was amazing, and the guy invited us to a party that night.

The party was about the same. Conversation, confrontation about his familliarity, hilarious reaction. Laughter, anger, and a few tears were pretty common among the few people there that knew him.

Now, in our 20’s, we’re roommates. We live in a city near our old town so occasionally he gets these reactions from people he knew back when he was 10.

Playing with death? Karma is coming for this fool.

11. Orangesunshine has a very proud mother.

When I was in high school … I smoked a lot of weed.

I figured out that since it was a plant, I might be able to save some money by growing it myself.

… so when I understood my parents to be away for a couple days. I skipped school with another delinquent friend of mine to build a grow box.

We go to home depot, get about half-way done .. and my dad pulls into the drive-way with our very large wooden box with aluminum foil on the sides in plain view.

We explain it’s a science project “to maximize the amount of light” or something … and he proceeds to help us finish it.

Fast forward 2 days, and my mom comes home … and my dad proceeds to tell her about the science project.

Fast forward 1-week later … and my mom has bragged to pretty much everyone she knows about how her genius son took the day off from school to work on a science project.

Fast forward to now — and she still tells the story every so often.

12. Smellyjobbies brought back the dead with his creative story.

This was a few years ago when I was working on newly built LNG (Gas) Carriers. During the morning 12-4 Bridge watch I somehow ended up chatting about ghosts and things with the Filipino watch keeper. In the course of this conversation he mentioned that some of the guys onboard had noticed some strange happenings suggesting the vessel we are on was in some way haunted.

I don’t know why I did this but I decided there was a chance for some lolz so totally deadpan I told him that during the construction of the accommodation (I was in the shipyard during the latter stages of construction which gave me more credibility here) a section of the accommodation block collapsed killing 3 Korean shipyard workers, and that this happened around C-Deck which is of course the deck all the crew stay on.

Welp the fuse was lit. The Watch keeper passed on this information to the rest of the crew – all Filipino and superstitious. Within the week ghost sightings were happening daily and most of the crew had opted to buddy up and sleep in each others cabins to avoid being alone at night. 1 particular cabin had been earmarked as the most haunted so the crew stopped staying in the adjacent cabins.

I was starting to get concerned by this situation. Fuck, even I was getting scared of the bloody ghosts and I was the one that made them up.

Things rapidly got out of hand. I couldn’t backtrack from the lie or the crew would kill me, yet some crew members had started grumbling about wanting to sign off to avoid the ghosts which would have serious ramifications for their careers. I was stuck in a tough spot.

Luckily the Chief Cook fancied himself as a pastor. He carried out a full exorcism of the vessel and overnight the problem vanished. This was a week before we were due in Port. Massive buggering relief. I’ve since left that particular company but it is my understanding that some choice pages from the Bible have been stashed in the deck head plating of one particular cabin to continuously ward off the restless spirits of the those none existent dead Koreans.

TL:DR lied about a ship being haunted and things escalated. Luckily Jesus saved me when a Chief Cook moonlighted as a pastor and carried out an exorcism of the ship.

13. PenguinioPascala‘s friend is really the one who’s been tricked—he doesn’t realize other hairdressers exist.

A friend of mine has a running lie going with the hairdressers. The first time he went in there they thought he sounded American and asked if he was from there. His brain must have massively trolled him at that point as he replied Yes. Now everytime he gets his hair cut he has to talk about how much he misses America and how different England is whilst pulling off a terrible accent. It’s been like 4 years… He’s in too deep.

14. About_a_plankton thought hard about going to graduate school.

It was my last quarter in college and I failed Physics again. Everyone was coming down to see me graduate and have a party for me. I’d been to lots of graduations in my almost 6 years in college so I knew that they didn’t have a big list of names, you handed the announcer a slip of paper with your name on it and they read it into the microphone. Then you get an empty diploma holder and go get your diploma after the ceremony. So the morning of graduation, I went to the auditorium with my cap and gown and found a person who was telling graduates where to sit, etc. and said, “OMG! I left my slip of paper at home! omg, omg, what can I do?” and she just asked me my name, wrote it down and handed me a new slip. I walked across the stage to the cheers of my friends and family, had an awesome graduation party and everyone went home. I moved to another state and the following summer came back, took that class, and really graduated (didn’t go to that ceremony). I told my parents I was thinking about graduate school and wanted to take some classes to see if that’s what I should do. Almost 20 years later and my they still don’t know what happened. I see no reason to tell them, ever.

15. When will this person win their bet?

I once convinced an acquaintance I’m from Glasgow for a bet, and now everytime I see her I have to affect the accent, even around my friends/family although they already know the situation. I’m not from Glasgow.

That poor person probably thinks they’re learning so much about Scottish life.

16. Lalalala11 has a diploma, so there’s a little bit of truth here.

I failed my MSc (Master of Science) – I really shouldn’t have done that particular subject and ended up getting a postgraduate diploma.

I lied and got a job saying I have the masters degree. After we changed which group we belonged to at work my new manager brought me into his office and asked me if I have a masters degree (I assumed I was going to be fired) after he said that I was on the wrong pay grade and then proceeded to tell HR to give me more money. I got a 17% pay rise. For the months between him speaking to me and getting my pay rise my heart sank every time he looked mad at his computer (which he regularly does).

I felt bad because he was a really good manager.

17. Is this still a lie or is Want_Bourbon simply a jerk?

I told a girl I was dating that I was getting deployed because I was too big of a wuss to tell her that she was fucking weird and possessive. Two months later I actually did get deployed :/.

18. D1g1talB0y is religious, when it suits him.

I hate pork, so much so when ordering things like ribs, I would ask the wait person if they were beef or pork ribs. This usually resulted in a long delay as they went & checked, much to the dismay of the individuals I happen to be eating with. I got tired of explaining it, so I would just say: “I’m Muslim.” Nobody ever pressed the issue, and friend still refer to me as their Muslim friend, and censor themselves in regard to racially or religiously indelicate humor. I am a white Atheist. Edit: Spelling

Oh really, D1g1talB0y?

19. Poor Penny-lane21 got the hopes of his whole school up for nothing.

My sarcasm ended up disappointing my entire school when I was in the 12th grade.

There was an assembly that day and it was around the time that Wavin’ Flag by K’naan was released and a pretty big song. There was supposed to be an assembly surrounding it, so I was talking in one of my classes and as a joke said “K’naan is apparently making an appearance”, which wasn’t exactly far fetched because my school is in Toronto, where he lived. By the end of lunch, everyone was talking about how they were actually pumped for this assembly cause K’naan would be there. Kids were running all over the place telling their friends and there was even some kids from another high school that found out and came over and tried to get into the assembly.

NO assembly in my 4 years there was ever this packed. Every seat was taken, the walls were lined and people all had their phones and cameras ready. By the end of the assembly, Wavin’ Flag started to play and everyone was erupting with excitement…only to have the student council take the stage, hold hands and sing it while swaying in a camp circle game formation.

Needless to say everyone left confused and disappointed, wondering how this rumour started. I refuse to take responsibility for it publicly, but it’s fucking hilarious every time it comes up.

20. JustAnOod bonded with a “brother” through his lie.

My best friend in elementary school had my same birthday, so he and I told everyone we were twins adopted to different families after our parents died in a car crash when we were babies. I was about ten when we started this idiotic (and hurtful, really) rumor, and even my parents went along with it (probably out of apathy). It was freshman year of high school when we finally told everyone it was a lie. People were pissed, and it was probably in bad taste, but I’m sort of proud of its longevity.

21. Ans933 is proof that your college major doesn’t matter—so long as you’re willing to lie about what it was.

I graduated with an English degree and was trying to find a job out where my (now) husband planned on going to graduate school. I promised him I wouldn’t follow after him unless I had a job. I applied to anything and everything with no luck, and was running out of time before he moved. So I thought fuck it! I changed my résumé up and said I was a business major instead of an English major. Got a job a couple weeks later, which enabled me to move with him.

I then combined my fake business degree with my job experience for an even better job several months later. I did this a couple times more until applying for my current job. By that point, my experience mattered more than my degree and nobody cared.

TLDR: Use the skills of your crappy English degree to create a more hireable you. Apparently nobody checks that shit.

22. This person is probably related to Ferris Bueller.

First day of High School we had a tour of the building, and went thru the hallway near the gymnasium. I noticed there was a pay phone on the wall, and I took down the number. I listed the pay phone number as my home telephone number.

I would go to the nurse’s office, pretend to be sick, and they would call my Mom, who was in fact my best friend who would answer the pay phone and tell them to release me and she would pick me up in the car outside in the parking lot. Then I was gone for the day!

It took someone 3 years to notice it was not my home number.

23. thehucklebuckster might win for the most difficult lie to uphold.

Met cute girl at a party, who told me she was vegetarian. I said “me too!”. 12 years later we’ve been married for years, and I still sneak forbidden animal snacks several times a week.

How does one conceal a dire craving for hamburger over and over again?

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