27 Unwritten Rules Every Man Should Live By

1. Never try to steal your friend’s girl. If you try to steal your friend’s girl you are the true scum of the Earth.
2. Never date/bang your friends’ exes, even if they say it’s okay.
3. If your friend cheats on his woman, you take that shit to your grave.
4. Don’t throw a friend under the bus to impress someone. Ever.
5. When your friend gets dumped, it’s your responsibility to get him laid (or at least drunk).

6. If your friend breaks up with his girlfriend, your friendship with said girl ends also. Forever.
7. When you first meet your friend’s new girl, act like she’s all he ever talks about.
8. Be polite (enough) around your bro’s lady friend, but when he asks what you think, lay the truth on him like a ten ton slab.
9. There are specific rules to the “head nod” when greeting another male. If you know them nod up, if you don’t you nod down.
10. When hugging another guy, a minimum of 2 back slaps must be performed.

11. When offered a beer, accept even if it’s not “your brand”. Your favorite brand of beer is “free”. Your second favorite is “cold”.
12. Shotgun is a responsibility, not a privilege. If you are sitting up front, you’re not a passenger, you’re the copilot, responsible for the radio, navigation and responding to calls and texts on my phone.
13. There must always be a one urinal buffer between men in a restroom
14. If your friend with a truck assists you with moving, you shall reciprocate with a full tank of gas
15. If your friend gets in a fight, you have to back him up. Doesn’t matter if he’s in the wrong.

16. Whoever got laid most recently has to play wingman.
17. If a guy is engaged in conversation with a woman, don’t fucking interrupt or try to piggy back. Find your own girl. Thou shalt not cockblock
18. Pick up the fucking bar tab when it’s your turn. No excuses. If you’re broke, stay at home.
19. If you and your bro are having a threesome with a girl, you can’t look eachother in the eyes. But if you happen to accidentally look eachother in the eyes, you have to high five!
20. Bring the banana to your mouth, never bring your mouth to the banana.

21. If you need to talk to your boys girlfriend through text or IM it’s like having a chat with a business parter. One word answers. Perfect punctuation. Conversation is strictly business and to the point.
22. Talk up your friends around girls, but…Feel free to humiliate and ridicule your friends around guys. That’s how we know we like each other.
23. If you’re the best man at his wedding, you must get a stripper for the bachelor party, no matter what he says he wants.
24. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
25. If your bro dies, delete his internet history.

26. Player 1 belongs to whoever owns the console.
27. No Oddjob.



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