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The 28 Most Hipster Criminals Ever

Whether it’s because their subculture has been so commoditized, or because every day people would prefer to forget about hipsters and their PBR-drinking, fedora-wearing ways, no one thinks of hipsters as the kind of people who would actually commit a crime. But that’s exactly what hipster criminals want you to think. When you see a group of post-collegiate weirdos walk into a bar, the last thing you think is going to happen is that these hot criminals are going to steal all of the Moscow Mule cups, but time and time again that’s what they’ll do. Over the last decade, young criminals have been committing hipster crimes ranging from everyday grand larceny to stealing purple trucks, and the MOST annoying, hipster crimes are collected and recounted on this list.

Young people breaking the law is nothing new, but with the advent of social media, and the fairly young Brooklyn hipster aesthetic taking hold of the culture, their crimes have taken on an air of self satisfaction that just makes you want to scream. These young criminals aren’t just stealing guitars from seminal indie rock bands, or using their normcore looks to rob banks, they’re also taking part in destruction of property and intellectual theft. Is there anything that these hipsters can’t gentrify? Find out when you read this list of Hipster Criminals: True Stories of Hip, Young People Breaking the Law.

  1. Man Robs Bank Dressed Like a Quentin Tarantino Character

    The newest member of the FBI’s Sort of Wanted list is a man who robbed a bank in San Diego while dressed like one of the characters from Reservoir Dogs. There’s no word on whether or not he did a little dance to “Stuck in the Middle with You” while he did it.
  2. Hipsters Turn Thieves for Copper

    At the Commonwealth restaurant in Boston, “darn hipsters” keep stealing the Moscow mule cups and other quirky mugs that go along with their signature cocktails. The business owner had hoped that the hipsters would steal the cups for a coconut themed drink, but unfortunately the hipsters in Boston just haven’t caught on to tiki chic (chiki?) yet.
  3. Record Store Robbed, but Not of Robert Plant’s Solo Efforts

    A Providence record store was on the receiving end of a thief with a real need for some classic jams. In August 2015, the What Cheer record store was robbed of all of their Led Zeppelin records, except for the Robert Plant solo albums. Ouch.
  4. The Where’s Waldo Bank Robber

    In Oregon, a bank robber with a look similar to that of to the famous children’s book character was caught after he began posting erratic Facebook statuses, concluding with the music video for “Scooby Snacks”, by Fun Lovin’ Criminals – a song about robbing a bank.
  5. Williamsburg Coffeeshop Steals Vibes

    A Hudson, NY coffee shop owner accused a Brooklyn cafe of stealing her shop’s hipster vibe. The lawsuit filed by the Hudson cafe owner claims that “her loyal customers are becoming confused by the likeness and that the ensuing chaos has become intolerable.” Hudson is 126 miles away from New York City.
  6. The Guitar Case Murders

    In one of the sadder hipster crimes of the century, a former bass player for either The Yellow Dogs or The Free Keys (they tended to swap members) snuck an assault rifle into the apartment he shared with his old band members and proceeded to kill three men before committing suicide on the roof of the building.
  7. Hipster Steals Jacket and Wallet

    On New Year’s Day 2015, a mustachioed Brooklynite left a restaurant with an A.P.C. jacket (nice choice!) and the jacket owner’s wallet. The restaurant’s manager, who witnessed the crime, said of the thief, “he looked… hip…”
  8. Williamsburgh Thief Only Steals Apple Products

    Sometime in 2008, a rash of home invasions overtook Brooklyn. Most of the electronics stolen were, of course, Apple products.
  9. Someone Steals Jonathan Franzen’s Glasses

    At a book party for Jonathan Franzen’s novel Freedom, a pair of thieves/dorks got into the party and stole the curmudgeonly writer’s glasses right off his face. The thieves then handed him a ransom note for $100,000, before fleeing the scene. After some helicopter searching, one of the perps was tracked down, and the glasses were returned unharmed.
  10. Hipster Swipes Drawing from Art Gallery

    During a 2011 art show, one cool guy tried to make off with a $1,200 drawing from a gallery in the middle of an art show, but was immediately stopped by a swarm of art lovers. The gallery owner hoped the judge would go easy on the thief saying, “It was a rough-and-tumble art world sort of thing.”
  11. The Case of the Portland Typewriter Thefts

    Quite possibly committing the most the most Portland crime in the history of Portland, a shop in the Pearl district (aren’t you fancy?!) was robbed of a pair of typewriters that were kept outside the shop. The typewriters were used by passers by for typing random thoughts before they entered the shop.
  12. The Nerdy Bandit

    In 2013, a young man (aptly named Thaddeus Lindsay-Woods) was arrested in Portland after robbing two American Apparel stores and one Urban Outfitters over the course of 10 days. He was described to the police as a guy wearing “nerdyish,” thick-framed glasses. 
  13. The Hipster Thieves’ Instagram Crime

    In 2013, a pair of identity thieves were caught when they went out to dinner with an IRS informant and Instagrammed their meal. The IRS knew that the couple had stolen thousands of identities, but they didn’t have proof until they were able to trace the ‘gram back to one of the thieves’ Instagram accounts.
  14. Stalking Ryan Gosling

    Ever since he appeared in Drive, every hipster has been trying to track down Ryan Gosling, especially Grace Marie Del Villar, against whom Gosling filed a restraining order in early 2015.
  15. Promoter Robs Touring Bands Blind

    Is there anything more sad than a indie rock band fight? In 2012, a promoter in Denton, TX booked a series of shows featuring indie darlings like Owen, Low, and Bleached with huge paydays. However, he backed out on all the payments. After skipping out on an $1,800 payment for Mike Kinsella of Owen, Kinsella told a local paper thatif his band comes to Chicago and I notice, I’m gonna punch him in the stomach.”
  16. Hipster Grifter Scams Her Way Through Brooklyn

    In 2009, a super hipster escaped from Utah where she’d committed mail fraud and forgery, scorched her way across Brooklyn, lying her way into a job at Vice, and telling everyone that she was dying of cancer to avoid paying for anything. She was later caught in Philadelphia and extradited to the Beehive State.
  17. Man Stabbed to Death Outside Moby’s Tea Restaurant

    While hanging out outside of Moby’s tea shop, Teany, in New York, a man was stabbed. The victim was taken the hospital, where he died.
  18. Urban Outfitters Steals Designs

    Who said corporate espionage couldn’t be a hipster crime? The Urban Outfitters design team is known for purposefully ripping off small designers who aren’t able to fight the copyright cases in court.
  19. Hipster’s Truck (Which Was Also His House) Hijacked

    When a bohemian truck dweller took a trip from Williamsburg to Colorado to visit a friend, he discovered that his friend was more of a foe. And by foe we mean a guy who impounded his giant purple truck and stole all of his personal items.
  20. Sonic Youth’s Guitars Stolen

    In 1999, two guitars were stolen from seminal alternative rock band, Sonic Youth, while they were on tour. This might not seem like a huge deal for a band that was signed to Geffen, but Sonic Youth routinely wrote songs in weird tunings and left their guitars in those tunings so they wouldn’t have to remember all of their wacky guitar stuff. On a happy note, the guitars were recovered 13 years later.
  21. Hipster Aryan Brotherhood Member Steals Hot Pockets

    Five days before Christmas 2014, a young member of the Aryan Brotherhood was arrested for attempting to steal Hot Pockets. The reason this isn’t on the saddest crimes of all time list is because the perp had an arrest history and his mugshots showed the transition from schlubby young dork, to a face-tattooed racist hipster. All of this begs the question, are their any white power dance punk bands?
  22. Dov Charney Sexually Assualts Everyone

    Dov Charney, the ex CEO of the bankrupt (now both morally and financially) American Apparel, is a creep. So much of a creep that when he tried to sue AA, the company released his gross sexts and emails that he sent to employees – communications which ended up costing the company $10 million in litigation costs.
  23. Man Robs Two Libraries

    In Rochester, NY, a bookish criminal made off with $10 after robbing two libraries within 10 minutes of each other. No word on if this was in retaliation for overdue book fees.
  24. Hipster Kickball Brawl

    The 2008 Brooklyn kickball season (obviously that is a thing) ended in tears when a massive hipster brawl (or a “kickbrawl,” if you will) broke out on the field. Reportedly after an “iffy” call was made, players started throwing punches and empty cans of Colt 45.
  25. Chickens Stolen from Paris Hotspot

    In Paris, a group of hipsters had their feathers ruffled when a poultry-minded thief made off with six live chickens from an eco-friendly bar and urban farm next to a flea market.
  26. Hipster Destruction Party

    Destruction is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean you can just walk around kicking holes in walls and smashing out windows. Unless of course you were a hipster living in the no mans land of 2007 Brooklyn, where a group of young, hip urbanites smashed up a building real good just to feel something. To feel anything. Anything at all.
  27. Put-Together Criminal Robs Park Slope Bar

    At the Park Slope bar Barbes, a man “dressed neatly and [giving] the aesthetic impression of a hipster,” absconded with a bust of physicist Jose Gregorio. No word on if the police have been able to narrow down the suspects to one aesthetically hipsterish guy in New York.
  28. Fedora-Wearing Thief Robs ATM

    In 2011, a sort of hip/sort of douchey-looking guy stole $1,000 from ATMs in New York, and was only recognizable by his straw fedora and normcore clothing.

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