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We’ve come a long, long way as people. With all the twerking, tweeting and snapping of chats, sometimes it’s easy to forget how much we’ve evolved (and devolved) as people. Here’s a solid collection of the things you’ll never see, use or hear again, because we’ve come too far with civilization to be bothered by dumb phones, knock-knock jokes and an Oscar-less Leo.

Four-Sided Perforated Printer Paper
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Every classroom and office in America during the ’80s and some of the ’90s
Why you won’t see it again: Files are the only way to go now.

Waiters As Whispering Receptionists
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
“Excuse me, sir. You have a phone call.”
Where you saw it: In fancy restaurants
Why you won’t see it again: People are assholes with their phones and no one has invented cellphone valets.

Microsoft Paint
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Every time you made “art” in the ’90s
Why you won’t see it again: You got a real job and rely on Instagram for creativity.

Cassettes & Walkmen
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
When you saw it: Just before the compact disc took over
Why you won’t see it again: Drains my batteries too quickly with that Skip Protection button.

“Don’t touch that dial, folks.”
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Pre-Tivo, TV shows trying to get you to stay through the commercials
Why you won’t see it again: You pirate everything and can just rewind all day.

“Here’s a quarter. Call someone who cares.”
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you heard it: Every time someone wanted to totally burn someone else pre-2000
Why you won’t see it again: All those people are grown-ups who evolved into bigger assholes.

Pay Phone Booth
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: In the movies and on the streets
Why you won’t see it again: Cellphone, homey. Gave all my quarters to someone who cares.

Cheap Gas
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: 1999
Why you won’t see it again: Politics, man.

“Be kind, rewind.”
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Video stores
Why you won’t see it again: Obsolete. It’s just you and your VHS collection, but no VCR.

Smoking on Airplanes
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: “Mad Men,” because I’m too young for ’60s culture
Why you won’t see it again: Apparently, it’s bad for you.

Condom & Cigarette Dispensers
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Public bathroom and bars
Why you won’t see it again: You don’t use either anymore.

Candy Cigarettes
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: In your blissful childhoods, just before you had to quit
Why you won’t see it again: Mom cut you off for getting too high on sugar.

Bob Saget as a Caring Father Figure
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: 1987 to 1995
Why you won’t see it again: Even though the cast of “Full House” is back on Netflix, you know better.

Bob Barker’s “The Price Is Right”
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Every sick day of your childhood
Why you won’t see it again: Bob Barker retired and left it to Drew Carey.

The Blowing of Nintendo Games
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Every time your Nintendo had a glitch or failed to start
Why you won’t see it again: Those difficult times have been replaced with discs and files.

Bowling Alley Scoresheets
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Old school bowling alleys
Why you won’t see it again: Can’t see that shit during Galactic Bowling. Computers, too.

“Talk to the Hand”
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: ’90s films and your loser friends
Why you won’t see it again: You don’t pay attention to either anymore.

Boombox on the Shoulder
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: On the shoulder of the baddest asses on the street
Why you won’t see it again: Got some iTunes, homey.

The Greatest Player Ever, Michael Jordan, Crying in Present Time
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Championships and retirement
Why you won’t see it again: Because he’s just a meme now.

Cracker Jack Prizes
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Whenever you reached a milestone with book reports
Why you won’t see it again: You (hopefully) don’t still do book reports.

Oasis
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: If you were lucky, on stage anytime from 1994 to 2008
Why you won’t see it again: Those Gallagher brothers just can’t get along.

“Schwing!”
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: “Wayne’s World”
Why you won’t see it again: You might get beat up or dumped for still saying it.

Fat TVs That Look Like Furniture
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: In every home in America
Why you won’t see it again: The flat screen was invented.

Slap Bracelets, Pogs & Chia Pets
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
When you saw it: The ’90s
Why you won’t see it again: Bracelets broke, lost all your pogs and your pet is dead.
’90s Nostalgia, better known as crap that never really mattered yet defined a generation.

AIM Away Messages
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Every computer in the late ’90s
Why you won’t see it again: Got my iPhone, homey!

A Respectable Dustin Diamond or Macaulay Culkin
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: The early 1990s
Why you won’t see it again: They do bad things that make people cringe.

“Show Me the Money”
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: “Jerry McGuire”
Why you won’t see it again: Tom Cruise is a crazy Scientologist.

Ecto Cooler HI-C
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Juice boxes
Why you won’t see it again: It’s getting rebooted with tequila (no, it’s not).

Brand New Playboy Nudes in Your Dad’s Garage
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: Bathroom, and my buddy’s dad’s garage in a large stack
Why you won’t see it again: SFW.
Along with real, physical (or real physical) porn in general, we’ve seen the last of the Playboy nudes within the past few months. Check out the last nude centerfold, Krystal Garret.

Your First Friend, Tom
30 Things You'll Never See, Use or Hear Again
Where you saw it: MySpace
Why you won’t see it again: Myspace is for losers!

30 THINGS YOU’LL NEVER SEE, USE OR HEAR AGAIN

 

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