33 Absurd Questions Patients Have Actually Asked Their Doctors

A list of the weirdest/most absurd questions that general practitioners (GPs) get asked was published on Resilient GP (a site that “support GPs in developing working practices designed to prevent burn out”).Below are our favorites. How many have you asked your GP?


2. “I went to the gym yesterday and now my arms are hurting”

3. “I get a static shock when touching the banister.”

4. “My wife is 30, I am 50. I can manage sexual intimacy only 2 times a week. Do you have a pill to reduce her libido?”

5. “My 10 yr old daughter won’t eat vegetables. Can you refer her to a hypnotherapist?”

6.“I have had a runny nose for the last half hour”

7. “Is my nipple too hairy?”

8. “I have ugly feet.”

9. “Doctor, I was in France last week. Could you give me a sick note to cover please”


11. “My 9 year old daughter cries and cries because we can’t get a dog” (pets not allowed in block of flats). “Please write a letter saying she’s depressed so we can get her one”.

12. “My poo smells this morning and it doesn’t normally” — with said excrement wrapped in tinfoil in a carrier bag.

13. “I’ve just been on holiday with my mistress. I’ve just got back and work want to know where I’ve been. I’d like a sick note to cover me.”

14. “When I clean my ears with cotton buds, it makes me cough. Why is that doctor?


16. “Is there a pill so I can have a baby boy?”

17. “I have had a sore throat since this morning.”

18. “I’m really worried my daughter has a splinter — can you get it out? We haven’t tried by the way, because we were so worried.”

19. “Do you have something to make my nails stronger and hair shinier before my holiday tomorrow?”

20. “My cat scratches my furniture and it upsets me because I love him.”


22. “Can I have a sick note for six months because I am nearly at retirement age?”

23. “I don’t know why I’m here doctor, my wife made the appointment.” “Well shall we bring your wife in or telephone her perhaps?”

“We can’t. She’s in Portugal.”


25. “My iPhone camera makes my face look wonky.”

26. “I went to the gym yesterday and now my arms are hurting.”


 28. “Doctor, please can you write to my daughter’s school to say I’m finding the school run tiring and can they arrange transport to and from my house?”

29. “I’m allergic to cats. I am getting a cat. Can I get a vaccination?”

30. “I have blisters on my hands since I started in the rowing club.”

31. “Hi Doctor. I booked this appointment two weeks ago but the problem has gone now. I didn’t want to waste the appointment so I thought it best to come anyway.”

32. “My child smells like yeast.”

3 replies on “33 Absurd Questions Patients Have Actually Asked Their Doctors”

I hope, for the sake of the future of humanity, that these are made up or at least exaggerated.

“Doctor, doctor, it hurts every time I do this …”

“Well, don’t do it then!”

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