1 I’m dying.
2 This must be what dying feels like.
3 This is why everyone is afraid of death. It feels like a terrible hangover.
4 Is it possible for a head to explode from hurting so much?
5 Like, hypothetically speaking, could my head explode right now?
6 Maybe it’s already exploded and this is what it feels like to have no head left.
7 All my body needs right now is water, but the thought of drinking anything makes me want to vomit.
8 Why is everyone talking so loud?
9 How is everyone functioning normally right now?
10 Do they think they’re better than me and that’s why they’re talking so loud?
11 Is there any way to turn down the lights for a little bit?
12 If only these lights had dimmers.
13 Is that why rich people have dimmers on the lights in their homes? For hangovers?
14 They’re truly living the dream.
15 Until I get rich, guess I’ll just sit in the dark.
16 Maybe if I lie down and don’t move any part of my body, I won’t vomit.
17 Would it be better to be in the fetal position or would that anger my stomach more?
18 I’m going to close my eyes and pretend I’m on a beach somewhere with no light and no loud noises.
19 OK, maybe I’m not nauseous and I’m actually hungry.
20 NOPE, abort. ABORT. I’m nauseous.
21 But what if I AM really hungry and I’ll never feel better until I eat something?
22 One bite and then I can assess whether I should eat more.
23 OK, I’m still alive.
25 OK, yep, definitely alive. Time for a second bite.
26 How do people drink every night and go through this every morning?
27 I’m never drinking again.
28 Unless the fun I had last night is directly proportional to my misery right now, I’m swearing off alcohol.
29 OK, last night WAS pretty fun.
30 But not as fun as this is horrible.
31 Maybe I’d feel better if I had some coffee?
32 Nope, bad idea. My stomach does not need more acid.
33 But my headache will get better with more caffeine.
34 Steady, steady…
35 OK, I think I’m actually starting to feel human again.
36 Why did I ever think this hangover was so bad?
37 This has totally been worth last night’s partying.
38 Why was I thinking about swearing off alcohol?
39 I wonder what everyone is up to tonight.
39 Thoughts Every Person Has Had During A Hangover