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5 Celebrities Having A Worse Week Than You

5. Tom Brady, because he’s a loser.

“What is this feeling, so sudden and new?”

Last night was the 52nd annual Super Bowl, also known as the Tony Awards of football.

The Philadelphia Eagles vs. New England Patriots game turned into a proxy war, with Tom Brady and the Patriots standing in for Trump, and the Eagles the hope for everyone else. The world proceeded to explode when Philadelphia pulled off an underdog victory. Philadelphians were so excited they decided to eat horse shit off the ground, and yeah, I don’t get that either.

Patriots quarterback and 80s movie villain Tom Brady, who already has five Super Bowl rings, was a little bitchy about not getting to add a sixth to his collection.

The ageless QuarterbackBot is reviled by everyone except Bostonians and Trump. He’s hated by everyone outside of Massachusetts for being so damn good at his job, and loathed by the 59.7% of Americans who don’t approve of Trump for being his friend.

Scores of Eagles fans took the horse shit out of their mouths long enough to chant “F*ck Tom Brady.”

Perhaps because the feeling of losing is quite foreign to Brady, he was a total weenie and stormed off the field, not stopping to congratulate Eagles quarterback Nick Foles or perform some traditional “good game” handshakes.

It’s a courtesy he just decided to ignore.

Luckily for Brady, he has his money and his supermodel wife to support him in his time of need.

No matter who you are or where you’re from, you have to admit that it’s super fun to see this grown man cry.

4. Justin Timberlake, because he may have brought sexy back, but now it’s gone.

Bye bye bye.

*NSYNC alum Justin Timberlake returned to the Super Bowl fourteen years after revealing Janet Jackson’s breast, and people already thought it was unfair that Timberlake didn’t suffer any consequences while Jackson’s career was ruined.

Not only did Timberlake’s performance underwhelm critics, he gave people something new to be angry about.

Firstly, Timberlake had the chutzpah to sing the very song that was the soundtrack to Nipplegate, “Rock Your Body,” which viewers found disrespectful.

Timberlake also pissed off Prince fans by performing alongside a projection of the late pop star, which is something Prince explicitly disapproved of.

Prince, who passed away in 2016, once described performing with a deceased artist through digital editing to be “demonic.”

Needless to say, the “tribute” was not well-received.

Someone in the stadium captured on video that the only excitement for JT was coming from the planted crowd as seen on TV.

For those keeping track at home, that’s two artists Timberlake majorly disrespected, and his own performance in a strange camo suit just wasn’t good enough to justify it.


3. Kevin Hart, because he acted like a tiny drunken fool.

Philadelphian comedian Kevin Hart had a bit too much fun watching the Eagles win the Super Bowl.

The fun-size man was so drunk that he forgot that he wasn’t on the team. An Eagle-eyed viewer (get it?!) caught Hart trying to get on the podium to receive the Lombardi Trophy, and getting denied by security.

 

The party didn’t stop there.

Hart then crashed an NFL Network interview with Eagles defensive lineman Fletcher Cox.

“Philadelphia’s a great city,” Hart said. “I thought, I hope this is an example of what we can do. We gave a f–k … ooh. I’m out.”

Realizing his mistake, Hart fumbled off the set with a little help from security.

In a video on Instagram, Hart addressed these viral moments, providing kids with an anti-drinking PSA and declaring that trying to get on stage with the Eagles was one of the “top two stupidest things” he’s ever done. “But who cares? The Eagles won the Super Bowl,” he added.

“Yeah, I’m still a little tipsy, but the world can kiss my ass,” Hart said.

Next time the Eagles win the Super Bowl, he should listen to his wife.

2. EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt, because he got caught criticizing Trump in 2016…again.

Scott Pruitt, the guy appointed by Donald Trump to lead the Environmental Protection Agency, has been repealing a lot of the Environmental Protection aspects, rendering it just an Agency.

But before he was stripping mentions of climate change from government websites and repealing rules that protected kids from harmful pesticides, he was calling Trump an “empty vessel” on “the Constitution and the rule of law.”

CNN uncovered that on an Oklahoma radio show in February 2016, Pruitt said, “I’m very concerned that perhaps if he’s in the White House, that there may be a very blunt instrument as the voice of the Constitution.”

As we all know, Trump is very good with handling criticism, and doesn’t demand loyalty to the degree of obstructing justice, so he’s likely to be very cool about this.

This is the second anti-Trump Pruitt statement to be uncovered. Last week, Democratic Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (Shouldn’t it be Sheldon Senate-Capitolbuilding?) was asked about the fact that he once said Trump would be “more abusive to the Constitution” than Obama.

Pruitt pretended to have forgotten ever saying such a thing, but now that it looks like his comments are part of a pattern, he just might be on the outs with the prez.


1. Don Jr., because he wasn’t invited to daddy’s sportsball party.

Donald Trump Sr. hosted a strange-looking party at his private country club in Palm Beach, featuring college cheerleaders because of course it did.

According to the White House pool report, Jared Kushner, Barron Trump, and the previously-shafted Tiffany Trump were there.

Meanwhile, as reporter Ashley Feinberg notes, Large Adult Son Don Jr. spent the night on the floor.

Junior posted a pic to Instagram as well. Peep the guacamole—it’s surprising that Don Jr. lets his kids eat Mexican food.

Indoor picnic. #superbowl

A post shared by Donald Trump Jr. (@donaldjtrumpjr) on

Was Don Jr. not invited because he consistently gets the entire family in legal trouble? Or did he just not feel like taking a taxpayer-funded trip to Palm Beach?

Either way, he’s definitely experiencing FOMO.

 

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