5 D&D Players Remember The Worst Players They Ever RPG’d With

5 D&D Players Remember The Worst Players They Ever RPG’d With

The balance of a good tabletop RPG is delicate – it requires everyone to be on the same page, taking things seriously (but not TOO seriously), and having some level of chemistry and camraderie amongst them. And – every now and then – someone enters a game who just SHOULDN’T be there. Someone who is trying way too hard, or not hard enough, or being just unbelievably weird and creepy – and it throws everything out of whack.

Story from SyspheanArchon:

I enjoy playing DnD5e, but I don’t know many players and usually play at events or Adventure’s League. Anywho there’s a guy who used to come to the local store for Adventure’s league. He’s your negative stereotype for tabletop players, big dude; neckbeard; deodorant optional, etc etc. He was banned for being less than family friendly.

So, I go to a local gaming event to play 5E. I walk in, sign-up, grab some snacks, and sit at my assigned table and start creating a character with the DM. Two dudes and two chicks show up a bit after me and start making characters. We have some small talk, they seem like perfectly fine people. Twenty minutes before we start, there’s one open spot, and Mr. Stereotype sits down. We’ll call him Matt.

I was in the game that got Matt kicked out, but he doesn’t recognize me. We’re done with our characters and just wait for him to make his. He decides to go with a monk. (I’d seen this before) He makes the character a female elf. (Oh god) He’s the only one playing the opposite sex, but that’s fine. I’ve done it once myself.

The DM tells us to describe how our characters look. I shit you not, he says, “I have short, blond hair with piercing green eyes that stare into your soul. My ample breasts are barely restrained by only a purple yukata that reaches to the middle of my thigh. My uncovered legs go on for days and beg to be warmed by the touch of another.” Everyone is just kind of looking at each other and cringing. The DM seems mildly concerned, but plays it off as a joke.

We play a bit and get to a part where we speak with a local lord. Matt decides that while we’re speaking to the lord, his character is doing some “languid stretching” that shows his character’s body. He informs us that his character has no underclothing. The DM closes his eyes and says, “Your stretching has helped the lords mood, but more suggestive displays will be taken poorly.” We take a break. He leaves the table and the rest of us discuss his special way of playing. The DM says that he’s nottechnicallybreaking any rules.

We play on and do myriad DnD style shenanigans, usually with him trying to seduce everything and taking opportunities to describe his character in detail. One of the women at the table ended up leaving very early with her boyfriend, so we were down two players. They gave a half-hearted excuse and left. We take a long rest near a river and he decides to up the ante. His character strips off and bathes in the river with the normal descriptors of her body. The sole remaining female in our group decides to go fishing in the river for food. He then proceeds to describe how her character rounds the bend to see Matt’s character, “Floating nude in the slow moving water, legs spread with one hand working furiously around her groin while the other massages her breasts. Upon sight of your character, she gives a slight grin, and removes her hand from her groin to motion you forward before sensually licking the hand slick with the juice of her loins.”

People reading this, I am not exaggerating this shit. This is what a grown man said, in public, with strangers. The woman says that’s fucking disgusting and he adopts a voice like he’s playing his character. She clarifies that she’s not in game and that he’s the most disgusting person she’s had the misfortune of playing with. He gets pissy and starts bitching about women not being able to take jokes and how this was roleplaying. I pipe up that he was banned from the local store for this same shit and he just loses his motherfucking mind going on about us being SJWs. The DM tells him to leave and he refuses because he paid to get into the event. He has to be escorted out by a cop.

tl;dr Dude plays a female character. He acts very lewd, gets pissed when called out, and has to be escorted out by a cop.



Story from Josh_From_Accounting:

About one year ago, I was running my first Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. Yes, late to the party. It happens. I was running it for some college friends. They had never played D&D before. Now, my friends had invited some people they had just met at the gameshop. I never met before, but I thought it’d be fine.

I was wrong.

To start off, one of them really, really just wanted to make me work as GM. How so, you may ask? Listen, I’m willing to work with people on strange character concepts and homebrew if needed. I literally just did it for my Edge of the Empire game because someone wanted to play a Kaleesh.

So trust me when I say this guy couldn’t stop. He just couldn’t stop. Homebrew race, homebrew class abilities, homebrew feats. And, all of it, he expected me to make because I’m the GM. No input from him. Because I can just homebrew up an entire character class to be your, no doubt, mary sue character from some fantasy book you wrote.

Yes, he said it was so he could play the character from a book he wrote. Apparently, the character was a son of a god so he could use divine magic, but also had the power of Hercules so he was a fighter and was learning arcane magic from a teacher so he could also do arcane spells and he was now bumming it as a thief so he could thief abilities. He wanted all of them. I’m not joking.

Also, since he was god-blooded, he wanted a new race to match. And he wanted a feat for some fucking reason.

We were starting at level 1.

I said no. He argued. The table agreed with me. I won. I told him he could multicass later to get a character like that since the game allowed that.

Frankly, that’s just a minor footnote I wanted to bitch about. Here is the real story:

So, the game starts a little dysfunctional. We got a dude fucking prostitutes and ignoring playing the game. And issues like that. But, it’s somewhat manageable. Like, it’s obnoxious, but nothing an after-game chat can’t fix about, ya know, not derailing things. They are new, after all.

They get into the dungeon. It’s time for things to start. They progress through well-enough. And then, as a part of the plot, they come across a baby dragon. It was non-hostile. It was basically a long-con involving cultists I don’t feel the need to get into.

Before I even finish the description, one of the players who my friend’s invited, who is a male playing a female PC (this is relevant), immediately says his character is overjoyed to see the baby. That’s fine. Then, he keeps going. And going. And what is he going on about?

Well, here’s a sample: “of course, my character is excited to see a baby. After all, she’s a woman. All woman care about babies, you know, it’s genetics. Just like my girlfriend. They are genetically programmed to care about babies. It’s why they shouldn’t be in the workforce. I try to tell my girlfriend not to get a job, but she doesn’t listen. I mean, really, it’s just distracting for men if women are there, am I right? How can the real brains of the operation get things done with a hot pair of ass running around? It mucks up the process and is, frankly, disrespectful to us men. Women’s rights are a joke! It’s just making males suffer!”

And on, and on, as I listen in stunned disbelief. I’m not exaggerating a second of this. Lines like “they should stay in the kitchen” and “frankly, women’s suffrage was a mistake” are just nonchalantly thrown-out. We’re in public. I can feel everyone’s eyes on us. I know some may disbelieve this happened, but I swear it did.

Before I can even motion to respond after this rant, I hear a simple, chilling sentence. The other player my friend’s invited leaned forward in the table, looks me in the eye, and yells out with a dirty grin “I want to rape that baby dragon in its little dragon pussy.”

Me and my friends just look at each other.

I close my book.

I get up.

And I say “Okay, I’m leaving. You guys, sort your fucking problems out. That was just embarrassing.”

Later on, my friends apologize about inviting those guys and we decide to start over from scratch without them.

But, yeah, that was a new one. I got more stories for later as I’ve GMed for over 20 groups of people over the last 6 years and the internet is full of bad players and GMs, but this is definitely one of the worst stories. Even worse, it was a live game. Usually, those turn out better, but fuck me, right?



Story from kayemm017:

I’ve had only a few experiences with trying to run RPGs online, and all of them have been bad. Most of them are not at a recountable level, mostly just games that suffered long, painful drawn-out deaths and low participation rates. Most of them also didn’t have fantastic stories either, but with a few exceptions.

I set up an online game and tried to recruit a few people that I knew from other attempts and thought that would at least help get an initial surge of people. One of the applicants was an individual that I’ll callV,who I had prior and, frankly, less then fantastic dealings with. However, a few caveats that meant I was okay with him being in this game. The first was that I had no reason to directly RP with him myself, which meant that I could avoid some of his creepiness. The second was that because it was a group game, he couldn’t try and force a background onto another player’s character as he had tried to do in past. Finally, like many of the other players present, he had been a member of the previous two attempts to form a group game in this setting. If I wanted to get it going, the last thing I could afford to do was field questions as to why I allowed somebody in but not, say, him.

Moving forward, everything actually seemed to go pretty well. He was getting engaged with the story and the other characters, but there was a problem of demographics brewing. Of the entire cast of eight or nine player characters, only two were female. This wasn’t that much of a surprise to me, as it was a heavily male dominated playerbase. However, V didn’t like this. It didn’t help that the two female PCs spent a lot of time chatting with each other IC and, more to the point, not with him.

After they had a long character building scene, V had a sulk. He said that it was unfair that the only two female characters were lesbians. This was, by the way, despite the fact that a) one of them was sleeping with a male PC b) the other one was explicitly stated to be a straight woman (and was played by somebody who exclusively played straight women) and c) there was no grounds at all to say that they were lesbians beyond the fact that they were female and, apparently, not interested in sleeping with his character.

V, however, was having none of this. He demanded that, as the GM, I create a female NPC for his character to sleep with. After much stunned surprise, I said to him “no.” I explained that this game was about a number of things and, above all else, was primarily an action story. It was not there for hook-ups, and I was not about to create and run an NPC solely so he could have a fake internet girlfriend. And, amazingly enough, everyone agreed with me.

But it got worse. You see, one of the aforesaid female characters dropped an IC joke about V’s (male) character hooking up with one of the other male characters. And there were a lot of laughs, both IC and OOC. Except, of course, for V, who exploded into globs of homophobic rage, offended that we would even think that. Because, you know, double standards much.

In the end, of course, the game fell apart, But V never got his fake internet girlfriend, so I can count that as a triumph.



Story from empire_lifts_back:

This is the story of my first time playing D&D and no, I have no idea how after this I wanted to keep playing.

The story is set in a gaming store few years ago where me and a random girl joined an experienced crew who explained all the rules and agreed to go easy on us until we figure it out.

Well, except this one guy. His character was a half-orc barbarian named Barbash and he never spoke coherently, only saying his name, despite having +3 intelligence. He was a constant nuisance to the entire crew and it was obvious that his crew didn’t like him either. Well, GM thought he was funny and it probably only encouraged him.

After a few sessions, it becomes apparent that Barbash is working for the bad guy and after one of our own crew goes missing, we all get suspicious. Unfortunately, it was the elf ranger (played by the girl who joined at the same time as me) who decided to go check out the abandoned tower before we were all together.

In there, he springs his trap and she’s completely caught and immobile.

The GM runs a timer and says 10 minutes IRL has to pass before we can arrive at camp, figure out she’s missing, find the same evidence she found and reach Barbash’s tower.

In short, it was the most embarrassing, cringe-y and rage-inducing 10 minutes of my life.

The GM literally told Barbash, “You can do with her whatever you want.” and the motherfucker went hard at it. He described how he ripped her clothes off, whipped her, cut her, raped her… All in incredibly long detail.

Any time somebody would tell him we don’t need to hear all the detail, he’d just raise his voice and boom over the person, completely ignoring them, making the entire store hear. When I asked him why is he doing all of that (the characters had no prior conflict), he responded with, “I’m a barbarian, what do you expect?”

I just shook my head and bailed, never showing up again, and from what I heard neither did the rest of the party.



Story from superstranger:

This was almost two years ago, so my memory is a little fuzzy or all of the details. To set the scene: I was running a game I had only recently purchased. We had a small group of three players at the time and none of us were familiar with the rules. I had decided this first campaign would be a learning experience, so I was learning how to adjudicate and the players were learning how their characters work. I had left an open invitation for more players to join us at the gaming store at which we played. This is the regrettable story of someone taking us up on that offer.

Shortly before we were going to start the night’s session, the table was approached by a young man fitting many of the negative stereotypes of nerd culture. Neckbeard, unkempt hair, large belly hanging out below his anime t-shirt, obvious bad social skills. I wanted to keep an open mind and be welcoming, so I accepted his offer to join us. We had some time before session was supposed to start, and I figured that it shouldn’t take too long to make a basic character. I told him that he could flesh out most of the details between the next session with me if it started to run over time. I explained the basics of the rules, and I helped walk him through the terminology of the game. I told him to focus on his concept and I would help him create it within the agreed upon power limits of the game.

I really don’t remember what his character concept was exactly, but it was the most stereotypical anime badass ripoffs you could imagine. Long hair, trench-coat, giant katana, probably one demon wing, bandages, glowing demon eyes, dual-wielding magnum handguns, dead family, evil brother, etc. He also wanted to have his character’s girlfriend accompany him everywhere. He described this character as a really busty blonde, wearing tight leather dresses, fishnets, or something similar. I only remember him going into great detail about her body and her clothing, and specifically that she was a rich super-model that was madly in love with him. His character was, obviously, irresistible to women, so his girlfriend had gotten used to sharing him.

Between all of this, he obviously wasn’t listening to anything I was trying to explain to him about creating this character. The conversation from my side went something like this:

“So this is the abilities. They range from 1-3 on average with a max of 5, but those would be very rare and I’m not allowing that at character creation. Ok…it looks like you gave yourself 5 in all of your abilities. They range between 1-3 at character creation. Ok…you still have a few 5’s in there. The max is 3. So your skills are similar, they also range 1-3. Ok…you gave yourself 5’s in every skill. The max is 3, and you don’t have enough points for this many skills. 3. The max is 3. You still have to change some of these 5’s. Also, you need to remember that you’re starting with a limited amount of points to buy everything, so let’s try to limit what powers you have. No, you can’t have this many powers at this level. No, they can’t be 5’s. No, you need to change some of your girlfriends stats too. No, 1-3. She can’t have 5’s here. No, none. The range is ONE to THREE. Maybe throw in a 2 or something and you’ll have more points. This can’t be a 5…”

Mid-sentence of my explanations he would start marking numbers on his sheet, not knowing at all what he was marking. At times when he would get up to buy a drink or use the bathroom, the group agreed that he gave off a weird vibe, didn’t seem to be comprehending anything, and made everyone uncomfortable. After starting to run over a little into the session, we decided that his character was still not sufficiently finished to play with us that night and that he would come back next week to finish creating this masterpiece. I normally would’ve suggested a new player just stay to watch, play an NPC, or play their unfinished character to a limited capacity, but all of us were kind of getting creeped out by his presence. After he left, none of us really felt like playing and called it for that week. Despite all of this, I was still willing to let him try at least one session with us next week, but he thankfully never showed up again.

tl;dr: stereotypical weeb shows us to my game, makes the weebiest character with a super-model girlfriend, and tries to max out everything on his character sheet while giving off a creepy aura that grossed out my group.

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