With tons of places (including the occasional soda spill) for germs to hide, carpets are like the multi-level duplexes of the germ world. They say most vacuum cleaners only pick up half the dirt hiding in carpets, so whenever I enter my living room, I’ve started avoiding my carpet like a game of hot lava — hopping from couch to couch, building bridges to safety with pillows … all because I can’t afford a Dyson.
Hands are often the dirtiest part of the human body, and we often use those dirty hands to turn on the lights. That makes light switches a great place to find germs. Also, how many times have you said to yourself “I gotta remember to clean those light switches today!” NEVER! You’ve never said that! So what should you do to keep those light switches clean? Try turning the lights on with alternative parts of your body. Like your elbows, or nose. Although using your nose would probably just get all the germs on your face. So maybe try to avoid light switches altogether. Like the Amish.
Under couch cushions
Under the couch cushions isn’t only a good name for a band, it’s also a great place to find change. I once found a boat load of coins in my couch — after picking out the random hairs I counted exactly 11.47! I like to think it’s the closest ill ever come to finding buried treasure. EXCITING! And very upsetting at the same time, because that 11.47 is covered in filth and I’ve been sick for the past four months.
Top of the fan
If you ever turn on a ceiling fan that hasn’t been cleaned in awhile, you may notice a light grey powder falling from it when you turn it on. But don’t touch it — its dead skin and hair cells. Hopefully you won’t run into this while on a date at your house, like me. You’d think a light snow gracefully floating from the sky would be kind of romantic, but picking dust balls out of spaghetti totally isn’t.
Behind the toilet
The dirt behind the toilet is what monsters dream of when they have nightmares. It’s a cold, dark, smelly place where only the brave (and occasional spider) dare go. But how did the back of the toilet get this way? It couldn’t have always have been this way right? WRONG! Ever since there have been toilets, there have been backs of a toilets making the bathroom all kinds of gross. But what is it that makes them so gross? One simple answer — night peeing.