5 People Having A Worse Week Than You –



5. Bill Clinton, because he was asked about Monica Lewinsky and he totally blew it.



“I did not apologize to that woman.”


Former president and would-be First Lady Bill Clinton is on a book tour promoting the thriller he co-wrote with James Patterson called “The President is Missing,” which has nothing to do with the suspicious disappearance of Melania Trump.

When asked about the scandal that lead to his impeachment, Clinton insisted that he “did the right thing” with regards to Monica Lewinsky. Despite the #MeToo movement shining a light on power dynamics and inappropriate relationships in the workplace, and Lewinsky herself calling Clinton’s actions an “inappropriate use of authority, station, and privilege,” Bubba wouldn’t have changed a thing.


Clinton insists that by fighting the impeachment and not resigning, he defended the Constitution, and that he did not need to apologize to Lewinsky privately because he did so publicly.


Craig Melvin asked if looking at the affair through the lens of the #MeToo movement has inspired Clinton to take more responsibility, to which the former president got argumentative and insisted that he suffered because of the whole thing too. (That was a good, pointed question, Mr. Melvin)

“No, I felt terrible then, and I came to grips with it…Nobody believes that I got out of that for free,” Clinton said. “I left the White House $16 million in debt.” Sad!

“Bill Clinton” was trending on Twitter for hours, as both liberals and conservatives wished he’d just go away.



4. Melania Trump, because she allegedly needs to leave the house today (but the cameras weren’t invited).


Maybe she’s just hiding under another extremely large hat.

The curious case of the missing Melania is said to be solved today as the First Lady is scheduled to attend her first event in 24 days—an event for Gold Star families. Well, the ones Donald Trump hasn’t insulted.

This likely won’t be enough to end the conspiracy theories, as the event is closed to the press and will therefore fail to provide evidence that the First Lady is indeed alive.

Melania didn’t go to Camp David with the president this weekend (even TIFFANY was there. Tiffany!), and won’t be joining Trump and the other Spouses-in-Chief at the upcoming G7 Summit in Quebec.


She hates her husband so much that she’s willing to forego a meet and greet with Justin Trudeau?


Something is horribly, terribly wrong here.



3. The woman who admitted to shooting and killing her husband because he beat their cat.



Someone actually got in trouble for grabbing the pussy.


Dallas woman has been accused of fatally shooting her husband because he was abusing the family feline, which is a story straight out of the “Cell Block Tango.”


He had it coming?

The Star-Telegram reports that Mary Harrison, 47, remained in custody yesterday after failing to make a $100,000 bail. The shooting occurred just before 7 AM on Saturday, and:

When officers arrived, Mary Harrison met with police and told them she and her husband had been arguing. He also had been beating the family’s cat, police said.

According to the police, Mary had admitted to shooting her husband Dexter.

Neighbors told KTVT-TV that the cat had recently gone missing but was thankfully returned, so it really was an emotional rollercoaster of a time.


2. Johnny Depp, because people think he looks like he’s dying.



The pirate’s life is catching up to him.


Johnny Depp is currently in Russia playing with his band, and the pictures have fans looking concerned.

This is what Johnny Depp looks like now.



You ok? He looks even creepier than he did in the Willy Wonka reboot, or even worse than Mortdecai was.






No word on whether or not he is ill, but he is definitely a sick man.



He might be healthy, but he’s definitely not okay.



1. The guy who shoved an eggplant so far up his anus, he hurt his lung.



[insert eggplant emoji joke here]


When a 50-year-old man in China was suffering from severe constipation, he figured out that the best course of action is to shove a huge eggplant up his butt.

You’ll be surprised to learn that the suppository ingestion did not make him feel better, but actually made him feel worse.



At the hospital, my dude got an X-ray done, and learned that the eggplant was so far up there, it was causing damage to his lung.

There’s such a thing as alternative Chinese medicine that’s a little too alternative.


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