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5 People Having A Worse Week Than You

 

5. Trump’s lawyer Ty Cobb, because he was overheard gossiping about the Russia investigation at a D.C. steakhouse.

Where’s Waldo, but it’s “Where’s The Monopoly Man?”

The first rule of Russia Probe Club is you do not talk about Russia Probe Club on the patio at lunch.

Ty Cobb, a simple country lawyer attached to a lusciously curled mustache, was hired by Donald Trump back in July to help out with the increasingly probing Russia probe and is already blowing it with a lunchtime b*tch sesh next to a New York Times reporter.

 

The Monopoly Man impersonator was out at popular Washington restaurant, venting about White House counsel Don McGahn, with whom he has beef. The Times reports:

The friction escalated in recent days after Mr. Cobb was overheard by a reporter for The New York Times discussing the dispute during a lunchtime conversation at a popular Washington steakhouse. Mr. Cobb was heard talking about a White House lawyer he deemed “a McGahn spy” and saying Mr. McGahn had “a couple documents locked in a safe” that he seemed to suggest he wanted access to. He also mentioned a colleague whom he blamed for “some of these earlier leaks,” and who he said “tried to push Jared out,” meaning Jared Kushner, the president’s son-in-law and senior adviser, who has been a previous source of dispute for the legal team.

Sure he was BLABBING OUT LOUD about just how much the administration will cooperate with the FBI and tipping the bureau off on secret items locked in a safe, but at least Cobb wasn’t using a private email server. Now that would be reckless.

The New York Times reported that people in the White House are paranoid that their colleagues are wearing wires to record conversations for Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

 

All in all, the Trump White House seems like a great place to work for awhile before moving on to do jokes with the Hollywood Elite an award shows.


4. Kevin Hart, because he’s being extorted.

Extorter? I hardly know ‘er.

It’s never a good thing when the FBI gets involved in somebody’s affairs. And for Kevin Hart, the issue literally involves an affair.

Yesterday, the fun-sized comedian posted a video on Instagram directed to his kids and wife Eniko Parrish, who is currently pregnant with their first child. Hart revealed that he was the victim of an extortion attempt, and decided to get in front of the controversy before the extortionist could profit off of it, coming clean about cheating.

TMZ reports that a woman is threatening Hart with a 4 minute and 47 video that features to the two of them together in bed.

According to the gossip site:

The 4 minute and 47 second video is highly produced, with audio from Kevin on various radio shows as the video rolls. The video cuts to a bedroom scene where it appears 2 people are having sex on a bed. You can’t see the people in the bed, but afterward you see a naked man walking in the room and it definitely looks like Kevin.

The woman at the center of the video is straightforward about doing this all for the cash, and her latest demand is apparently at 8 figures.

TMZ adds that the FBI is on the case and allegedly already have a suspect, which could be either the woman with Hart or someone involved in secretly capturing it.

Hart’s current wife is the woman with whom he cheated on his previous wife, so maybe the extorter will get the money through marriage.

You know what they say:


3. Jennifer Lawrence, because her new movie was the mother! of all bombs.

Scene from the movie or reaction to it?

Jennifer Lawrence’s new movie “Mother,” which is pretentiously stylized as mother!, came out over the weekend and has audiences pissed and disgusted. CinemaScore, the metric that measures moviegoers’ reactions to films based on exit polls, gave it a coveted F.

The movie, which is being advertised as an arthouse horror extravaganza, was booed when it premiered at the Venice Film Festival, but has people debating whether it is incredible or terrible.

According to Telegraph, mother! grossed a measly $7.5 million after its extensive advertising campaign, making it the lowest wide-release opening of J.Law’s career.

Poor J.Law. Except, not poor J.Law, she’s a millionaire. But still, it must suck to be the star of this week’s Worst Movie of All Time.


2. The pizza robber who got nothing but caught when other robbers showed up first.

Jazz hands!

Can’t a robber catch a break?

An attempted thief in Covina, California strolled into a pizza place with a knife and attempted to rob the joint, but unfortunately for him, another gang of burglars broke in first and made of with $1,500.

The owner of the Pizza Chalet was cleaning up after the robbery when a weapon-wielding 19-year-old strutted in and demanded money.

Sadly for the kid, there was no cash left, and the police were already patrolling the place.

Robberies are a race: you need to come in first to win the prize.


1. Kevin Durant, because he forgot to switch to his fake account.

Constipation never looked cooler.

Golden State Warrior Kevin Durant tweeted out some suspicious replies to burns on Twitter in the third person, leading everyone to believe that he has burner accounts he uses to defend himself with.

In the now-deleted tweets, Durant trashed his former coach and teammates at Oklahoma City Thunder.

 

Uh oh. KD better be check his accounts before he wrecks his accounts.

This Twitter mistake is great for Twitter jokes.

 

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