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5 Real Phobias That Could Screw Up Christmas

Everyone’s afraid of something, whether they admit it or not. Most people are afraid of the dark or peeing their pants at school, but what if your fear got in the way of the best thing ever – Christmas? Here are some fears that would positively suck to have around the holidays.

Pogonophobia

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I know it might seem strange, but there are people who are afraid of beards. Could you imagine if your biggest fear grew from your face? You’d have to shave everyday, or it would be like your face would be covered in spiders or clowns. A fear of beards would put such a damper on the holidays, since you’d run into a picture of Santa Clause and his goddamn beard every time you turned a corner. Also, being afraid of beards costs you, essentially, a sweater to cuddle your face. But I suppose you could see your beard as a hairy dungeon from which you can never escape … Hmm, I think I’m starting to understand this Pogonophobia thing.

Hylophobia

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Most of our fears can hurt us – take bears, monsters, and fast-moving cars. So it’s weird to think that there are people out there afraid of trees. That must make Christmas time interesting. “Hey Henry, why haven’t you opened any of your presents?” “I think that tree is staring at me.” While some people like horror movies, all a Hylophobiac has to do is watch the Nature Channel.

Chionophobia

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It strikes from the sky, it travels in groups, and it can bury you alive – why wouldn’t you be afraid of snow? But Chionophobia, as the phobia is known, would cause some serious problems during the holidays. Leaving your house would be like entering a war zone, as your biggest fear is everywhere. It’s even covered your car. I guess if you had Chionophobia your only options would be to move somewhere warm or hibernate.

Heliophobia

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Christmas is one of the few holidays that inspires people to get outside and decorate. Come December, you’ll see lights, trees, and little electric reindeer everywhere. But since Heliophobiacs fear bright colorful lights and try to avoid them, their lives must become unbearable around the holidays. Avoiding lights at Christmas time is like trying to avoid getting wet while swimming.

Santaphobia

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It isn’t hard to see why some kids (and some adults) are terrified of Santa Clause. Every time you go to the mall, another kid is placed on the lap of an overweight stranger that smells like ginger bread cookies. And yet, the parents are always surprised when their kids get scared. “Honey why are you crying? Look it’s just Santa.” Yeah, a hundred year old all-powerful wizard who generates his power from stale cookies and warm milk who travels only by night. What the HO HO HECK? I’m not sure why everyone isn’t afraid of Santa Clause? “He sees you when your sleeping/ he knows when you’re awake.” Jesus, who is this guy and what does he want?

 

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