5 Things A Woman Is Guaranteed To Tell Her Friends About You

When it comes to talking about our relationships, there is nothing a girl’s girls don’t know — about you, about your relationship, and everything to do with it within a ten mile radius. And when I say everything, I mean ever­-ry­-thing — your past, your present, and even your future as far as she’s concerned. For better or worse, it’s all out there. And although it might seem to you like it’s for the worse, truthfully, nine times out of ten, it’s actually for the better. You see, we talk because we care. And as strange as that may sound, it’s totally true. Sometimes it’s just not worth the fight; sometimes it’s to protect you from feeling attacked (not physically, or, maybe…); sometimes it’s to get some perspective and direction for ourselves; and sometimes it’s just to calm down first so that we can have a more rational, productive conversation with you later.

Which reason, if not all of those, can be pretty hard to tell, but one thing that is for sure is that it probably has something to do with the following:

How Annoying And Demented You Are

And we mean that in the nicest possible way. Seriously. The truth is,relationships are really fucking tough, and at one point, all those adorable little quirks that made us fall in love with you in the first place ever so slowly begin turn into the most aggravating idiosyncrasies that pick away at our sanity just a little more with each passing day. And then there are the times when you really let her down.

Listen, the fact that she is venting to her friends about you at all is the bright side here, believe it or not. It means she cares. And as uncomfortable as the thought of her friends knowing about your two day underwear recycling rule, or that disgusting snort-­cough hybrid thing you do to clear your throat before you kiss her, or that you text your cute coworker a little too often and too late for it to actually just be “friendly,” the reason why she does this is precisely because she cares. A lot. You see, when anger and frustration grips a woman so passionately, there isn’t really much that she’ll be willing to put up with. So her seeking release and sympathy, and maybe even advice on how to better cope, work through and maybe even one day accept these things at all, is as true a sign of commitment (to you) as there is. It’s called love — just go with it.

Sex, Honestly

In general, and unlike when she’s single and first starts dating a guy, once a girl settles into a relationship, the sex talk between her and her friends kind of just, well, stops. Or at least, transforms. And that’s for two reasons really: 1) because we tend get more quiet about that kind stuff the more serious we are about the person it’s with (surprise, surprise), and also (mostly) because 2) there’s just not that much worth talking about anymore. It’s true. Moves get old, fantasies die out, the headaches become more frequent.

In fact, when we do talk about sex at all it’s usually in regards to just how little of it we’re having, and maybe even wanting, and how long we’ve not been having it for. We may bounce some numbers and stories off each other to test the waters and see if we still fall into the “normal” territory, but this conversation usually (and very quickly) turns into a discussion about about the bigger issues at hand (usually related to how annoying and demented you are) before getting too deep into the nitty gritty.

That is, unless you two have a particularly interesting and/or adventurous sex life of course, or even just a singular steamy encounter to report. Then she’s definitely spilling the deets and letting the rest of us live vicariously through it.

The Truth About Your Family And Friends

Ok, so as far as you need to be concerned, your mom is actually the sweetest ever and not at all nosy or imposing. And your sister? Super cool too, not the least bit obnoxious or loud. And your bff Joey, totes feels like a brother to us too, especially since he started crashing on our couch drunk.

Look, we love you, but we’re not blind, so this isn’t personal, it’s business. Mainly, the business of releasing all the crap we have to bite our tongues and put up with every Sunday dinner, or on boys’ night. And because we care so much, we chose the safest place to do it ­— where offences don’t get taken, and feelings won’t get hurt. And no, honestly, we don’t feel about it because 1) we know that you do (or at least think) the same, and 2) we’ve already shared much worse. So no harm, no foul, right?

Money, But Not In The Way You Think

This might come as a shock to most of you out there, but we girls don’t talk or care about your money as much as you think we do. (Gasp!) It’s true. When we we say things like how we’re looking to “settle down” or for “stability” or “security” ­— which are all huge factors in choosing a partner ­— we’re actually referring to your potential, drive, planning and commitment. Not how many zeros are in your bank account.

I mean, at the very least we want someone with a steady in­flow of funds who mirrors our own financial situation, and at the very most someone who is well situated to build with, but if you think that the dollars and cents is what makes her mind up about you, you’re sadly mistaken. (And clearly very jaded.) I mean the goal is to build a life together, right? And not just any old life, a good, stable, fun life. And yeah, money makes that happen, so naturally, it’s part of the equation; get over it. It’s how the world works. Just like you can’t not stare at our chest when having a conversation, we can’t not consider your financial stability (read: potential) when considering you as a potential life partner.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that this is all women, or that there aren’t women who expect to be taken care of — no, there are plenty of those. But those types are usually pretty transparent (if not totally upfront) about their lifestyle expectations and “standards,”­ so you really don’t get to complain. You chose her. If you’re seriously hoping that the hot Instagram “model type” sitting at the hotel bar with her designer shoes, dress and nails, fake tits and lips, talking nonstop about that time she vacationed on so­-and-­so’s yacht in St. Tropez is dating you for your heart (?!)… that’s your fault, not ours.

Your Future Together

You probably already suspected this one, as you should have, because we do. A lot. I mean, it’s only natural that as you begin to spend more time with someone and your feelings grow deeper for them that you start to contemplate the bigger picture. So yeah, we do talk about how good things are and feel, and that we can see ourselves riding off into the sunset with you. And sure, we can be known to get a little ahead of ourselves and get carried away talking about rings and dresses and all that girly crap. (What? It’s fun.)

But you might be surprised to know how much (and how deeply) we talk about the flip side of that as well. More specifically, how much earlier we get into it with them than we ever even hint at it with you. From conversations about how to know if he’s “the one” to a full-­fledged break­up plan (timelines, follow-­up texts and all), her friends have a pretty solid idea of which way the two of you are headed long before you do.

So if you’re feeling like her friends might know too much, it’s probably because they do. But it’s only awkward if you make it awkward, so just let it go and move on.



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