Orgasms are cool, but they’ve had their time in the spotlight for too long. What about all those other amazing feelings out there? You know, the ones that don’t involve requiring another person to rub a certain spot for an undisclosed amount of time?

Like popping bubble wrap! Oh man, bubble wrap. Kathleen M. Dillon, psychology professor emerita at Western New England University, says that it’s a “very natural, human response to stress [and] keeping your hands busy with little projects… is considered relaxing,” which, honestly, sounds like an undersell.

This is a list for those who appreciate the simple satisfaction that comes from popping a zit — which we find so fascinatingly gross because of evolution — or scratching that part of your back that you normally can’t ever reach, which we find so satisfying because… we can’t ever reach it.

Quite simply, this is a list for everybody.

50. Sticking a Q-tip in your ear, even though you know you shouldn’t49. Finally sneezing after a few failed attempts

48. Scratching that part of your back that you can never reach

47. Getting a haircut without having to speak to your barber

46. Taking your pants off after a long day at work

45. Waking up thinking it’s Wednesday, but then realizing it’s Saturday

44. Peeling an apple in one long strip

43. Cracking all of your knuckles

42. Peeling dried skin off of a sunburn

41. Peeling off a price tag without any residual glue

40. Flipping your pillow over so you can sleep on the cool side

39. When someone you don’t want to hang out with cancels the plans you made

38. Popping all the bubble wrap

37. When the delivery guy buzzes your door 20 minutes before he was supposed to get there

36. Pooping after holding it in for the last hour of a long car ride

35. The series finale of Breaking Bad

34. Putting on freshly dried, warm clothes

33. Walking on grass barefoot

32. Watching a movie on your laptop in bed during a storm

31. Looking at your phone and seeing “Hey, you up?” from someone you’re into



30. That new Adele song

29. Making a totally appropriate “Hotline Bling” reference

28. Getting retweeted by someone really cool, like Usher. Or a really close friend of Usher.

27. When a friend can’t finish their ice cream sundae and asks you if you want the rest

26. When you successfully un-send an embarrassing email

25. Peeing after six beers

24. Peeing after sex. And probably multiple beers as well.

23. Unwrapping a Reese’s cup without losing any vital chocolate on the bottom of the wrapper

22. Opening up an overly full bag of chips

21. The opening credits from any Star Wars movie. Even the bad ones.


20. Looking at this puppy

19. Finding money in a jacket you haven’t worn in months

18. Spending that money on a delicious ice cream sundae

17. Scratching a mosquito bite even though you know you shouldn’t

16. Farting and getting away with it

15. When you’re congested and your nostrils suddenly open up

14. When you have water in your ear and it suddenly drains out

13. Sleeping on freshly washed sheets

12. Putting on a brand-new pair of socks

11. Getting your head massaged


10. A cold beer on a hot day

9. A hot toddy on a cold day

8. Popping a pimple

7. Stretching backwards over your chair and cracking your entire back

6. Getting the chills from a climactic movie scene even though you’ve seen it before

5. Finally getting rid of that goddamn thing stuck in your teeth

4. A really big, satisfying yawn

3. Peeling the protective plastic off of the screens of your new electronics

2. Shower beer

1. Getting to the end of a long list, sharing said list on Facebook, and, as a result, your unrequited crush messages you and says you absolutely need to start dating

Eventually you two have sex. However, that’s not part of the list.




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