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One of the best ways to make the most of what little summer (read: life) you have left is to go to a water park and head on down the most extreme water slide you can find. Hopefully, the thrill of the ride can make you momentarily forget the fleeting nature of youth and the fact that soon it will be cold and you’ll be locked back in a classroom with homework you have to do and taxes to pay and children of your own to raise. Anyway, here are some of the most intense water slides you could try (before it’s too late):

Insano

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The Insano water slide in Brazil is as tall as a 14 story building. The daring individuals who climb its watery peak will descend at a speed of up to 65 miles per hour. Is that enough to drive someone insane? If insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, then I would have to ask again: Is that enough to drive someone insane? No seriously. Is that enough to drive someone insane? Is THAT enough to drive someone insane? Is it? Guys. IS THAT ENOUGH TO DRIVE SOMEONE INSANE?!? I need to know for personal reasons if that is enough to drive someone insane.

L2

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In order to ride Austria’s L2 water slide, you first have to climb inside a clear cylindrical tube that looks very similar to the inter-dimensional transportation units from the Fantastic Four reboot. But rather than being transported to a dimension where critics hate your movie but still call you one of Hollywood‘s most promising young stars, the L2 water slide simply has the floor of the tube give out on you as you are dropped an almost straight 45 feet before entering the slide’s famous double-loops. Both experiences are pretty upsetting things to have happen to you, but one is a terrifying ride from which you can only hope to recover, and the other is a water slide.

Leap of Faith

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For a water slide named “Leap of Faith”, there is surprisingly very little leaping involved. In fact, there is zero leaping. There is quite a bit of sliding, but absolutely no leaping. Leaping is forbidden on the water slide, cause it would definitely result in either injury or death. YOU SHOULD NOT LEAP FROM THIS RIDE.

With a 60 foot “almost vertical” drop from the top of a building design in the iconography of an ancient Mayan temple, the Leap of Faith lowers patrons through a clear acrylic tunnel under shark infested waters. But if you don’t believe me, just have faith in the slide, I guess.

Black Anaconda

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The Black Anaconda is America’s longest water roller coaster and a prominently featured ride at Noah’s Ark Water Park in Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin. It uses uphill water slide technology to create climbs and drops while riders sit in toboggan rafts. And while that sounds cool, remember that it’s one of just three animal-themed rides at a park named “Noah’s Ark”, the other two being Scorpion’s Tail and Sting Ray. So between the between the three animals in Noah’s Ark, one is a deadly snake, one a deadly insect, and one a deadly fish. And I get that the names of the rides need to be intense so that people will want to ride them, but couldn’t there also be Cuddle Fish’s Pond, or Happy Frog’s Lounge or like Platypus Pat’s Gender Neutral Bathrooms? Why is this sadistic son of a bitch Noah bringing just deadly animals on his ark?

The Abyss

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If you stare long enough into The Abyss, The Abyss will eventually stare back … and then someone behind you in line will yell at you to just go, because The Abyss is a very popular ride. But you can’t look away. Then someone behind you in line will pants you and push you down the slide without the raft and you will be horribly injured falling down the ride and nobody will care because everyone will be too busy laughing at you. It is only then you will realize the REAL abyss isn’t a water park ride. The real abyss is life itself.

Verruckt

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Holy f*ck! Just look at that thing! That’s the world’s tallest water slide. The 17 story free fall of your watery nightmares. It honestly looks terrifying. But you want to make the most of summer, don’t you? Just go up to the edge and look down and … nope, you know what? F*ck this. F*ck slides. F*ck water. F*ck summer. F*ck vacation. I’m going back to school.

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Do you know of other crazy water coasters people could try? Let us know which ones in the comments below!

The 6 Most Intense Water Slides From Around the World

 

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