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We live in an era when movie news is so preposterously abundant that even the most speculative, inconsequential details of would-be projects can make headlines. It used to be that rumors of films being made somewhere down the line were something of schoolyard speculation. A friend’s older brother could tell you that there might be a sequel to Heavy Weights in the works and you would just kinda believe that to be true. NO MORE! Now we can comfortably absorb all the movies news as it happens with a simple key word search on Twitter.

But the intensity with which we can follow movie news doesn’t change the nature of the Hollywood beast. That means some projects stall, lose directors and actors, get retooled, put on indefinite hiatus for years, and there is no amount of Googling “what’s going on with Heavy Weights 2” that will speed that process along. Here are some of the long-awaited films that have been in production hell for years that we still want to see up on the silver screen.

The Haunted Mansion

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Pacific Rim and Pan’s Labyrinth director Guillermo del Toro has more supposed projects on his to-do list than just about any director working today. While there are some fanboys eagerly awaiting news on a third installment in the Hellboy series, the project that has the most potential to be awesome is a complete rehauling of Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride. Del Toro’s signature dark style, use of practical sets, and fixation on ghost stories all make his haunted house feature Crimson Peak (due out later this year) look to be something of a dry run for the Disney feature that is promised to “make children scream”. It was recently announced that Ryan Gosling had signed onto the project, so it looks like the film might end up being scarily handsome as well.

The Happytime Murders

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Imagine a Sesame Street movie, but one of the puppets has been brutally murdered and everyone is a suspect. That’s the insane dream of The Happytime Murders that we desperately want to see become a reality. Plus, the hard R-rated project is backed by The Jim Henson Company, so it will have all the charm and beautiful puppeteering of Fraggle Rock along with the bleak world view of True Detective. They need to hurry up and give us this movie already so they can take our money.

The Tourist

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The Tourist is something of a legend in terms of greatest-films never-made. Its dark sci-fi noir script featured an underground sex club for aliens deep in the heart of Manhattan for freaks from all over the universe to enter into all sorts of shady dealings. The story followed an alien stranger on Earth looking for a way home, which makes the film something of a mixture of E.T. and Eyes Wide Shut. The script has been on the black list for 35 years now, and a slew of HR Giger concept art (the guy that did the concept art for Alien) is on the internet for those who look. But while we don’t want to get our hopes up for the film to ever become a reality, Universal still owns the rights to it, so it may still turn up on Earth one day.

Akira

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The live-action American adaptation of the cult Japanese Manga Akira is one film that won’t seem to die. It’s been on-again/off-again for years, stuck in production hell as a veritable cornucopia of directors, writers, and actors have been attached to it at different points. Most recently, Marco Ramirez, the writer for the second season of Daredevil, has been given marching orders to resurrect the project. We hope that this time it sticks and the kick-ass live-action futuristic motorcycle potential of Akira is finally realized.

Alien 5

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Rumors of an Alien 5 have been around since 1997’s Alien: Resurrection failed to live up to the hype. The Alien franchise has been in somewhat of a downward spiral since the release of Aliens in 1986, and with the most recent additions being Alien vs. PredatorAlien vs. Predator 2: Requiem (although both are non-canonical), and Prometheus (as a sort of prequel/same universe completely nonsensically f*ck-uppery of the mythology of the franchise), it’s hard to argue (although some fans do, vehemently). Hopefully, Neill Blomkamp can direct the next chapter of the series, but honestly, at this point we’d settle for Alien vs. CHAPPiE: Dawn of Justice.

Passengers

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Speaking of Prometheus, its co-writer, Jon Spaihts, was put on that project because of a space drama he penned called Passengers. That script is notorious in sci-fi circles as a project that seemed excellent but could never get off the ground. Well, after years of people being attached and then unattached to the project, it looks like Sony will finally turn the film into a reality, as Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence just signed on to star as passengers accidentally woken early from a hypersleep while abroad a colony ship on a interstellar voyage. Passengers is set to come out in 2016, so now that you know about it, you won’t even wait that long to see it finally come to life.

 

Are there other movies that have been the source of rumors for years that you desperately want to see happen?

 

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