The holidays are upon us, which means we’re all happily starting to put on some delightful winter weight. But before you start planning out how to lose those fat rolls filled with turkey stuffing, potatoes, and egg nog, make sure you DON’T try out any of the following “diets”, because they are insane and will most likely kill you.
A jaw wire is a mechanical device that keeps the jaw in place and prevents the consumption of solid food. It allows for some speech and jaw movement but makes it pretty much impossible to eat a hamburger. That is, unless you liquify a hamburger. But if you find yourself that desperate to eat a hamburger you should probably see someone about that.
Tube feeding is meant for those who cannot consume food through their mouth (most likely due to illness or accident), but of course the feeding tube has been used as a weight-loss device. The feeding tube releases protein-rich liquids directly into the esophagus, restricting calories and solid food intake. Sounds as tasty as it looks fun! :/
The Plastic Tongue Patch
First of all, ew. The plastic tongue patch was developed by a plastic surgeon from Beverly Hills named Dr. Nikolas Chugay. Basically, a patch is sewn on the tongue with six stitches and it is done in about 10 minutes. The patch then makes it extremely painful and even difficult to eat solid food. That forces the patch-wearer to go on a liquids-only diet. And it costs about $2,000. (So maybe just save yourself $2,000 and just go on a liquids only diet?)
With the tape worm diet, you swallow a tape worm and it absorbs all of the food and nutrients you eat. It’s a great diet if you’re not phased by side effects such as seizures, digestive blockages, organ function disruption, or brain and nervous system damage!
The Sleeping Beauty Diet
Elvis made the “Sleeping Beauty Diet” popular back in the day. The idea is that when you sleep, you don’t eat, so dieters take sleeping pills and basically hibernate for days at a time in order to lose weight. If you don’t have any kind of life, this is the diet for you!
The Vision Diet
The idea of wearing blue sunglasses to lose weight came from Japan (of course it did). The notion is that the color blue makes food look less appetizing (as opposed to the color red, which makes you wanna EAT ALL DEM SNACKS!). Too bad there’s no color lens for your taste buds or nostrils! Nice try, Japan.
Breatharianism is more of a religion than a diet, but basically followers believe that humans only need air and sunlight to survive. The human barbie pictured above is a follower, but many who attempt to follow this diet have died from dehydration, starvation, and malnutrition. Obviously. Because, you know, humans aren’t cactuses.
Which one of these methods of losing weight creeps you out the most? Let us know in the comments!
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