7 Low Key Ways To Be Human Garbage

7 Low Key Ways To Be Human Garbage

Bullying, bad. Murder, bad. Theft, bad. We all know the obvious stuff is bad, but have you ever considered the minor actions you take every day that also maybe mean you’re a bad person? I don’t mean just having some bad luck, either — I mean the intentional things you do that you haven’t realized make you a piece of trash. Read on!


Recline Your Seat Back

very mad about reclined seat
I cannot stop laughing at this bizarre image

How much more comfortable does reclining your seat back on the airplane make you? Maybe 5 percent more? Now think of how much less comfortable you feel when someone reclines their seat back into you. I’d estimate it as being around… 5,000 percent uncomfortable. Is it really worth it to you, to inflict so much pain so that you may even be just slightly happier?


Talking During A Music Performance

gt rowdy

I think this happens because people will have music on in the background while they do other stuff, but a concert is neither your car nor your house. Someone is putting theirlife into their art, and you’re just going to stand at the back of the room jawing to your date about your plan to become an “influencer” online? Buddy, take that business outside!


Sit On Your Computer Forever After Buying One Cup Of Coffee

asleep in a coffee shop

Do I enjoy leaving my house to get some work done? Of course! That means I can’t look at 65 percent of the websites I normally use to procrastinate. Starbucks/ Coffee Bean/ the nice family-owned coffee shop in your precious little liberal arts college town (you privileged bastard SOME OF US NEVER EVEN WENT TO COLLEGE!) is maybe… less enthusiastic about you turning their business into your office. They got bills to pay, and you hurt their ability to do that. If nothing else, at least share a table with another buy-nothing stay-all-day freeloader.

NOTE: This one doesn’t apply if you can’t afford your own wifi or are some kind of addict, just looking for a place to get some work done/stay warm. Get well.


Eating On Public Transportation

scowling at food

Hey, you know what already smells bad enough? The bus. No one needs your exotic sandwiches contribution to the barf-o-rama party.


Riding Your Bike On The Sidewalk

cyclist on the sidewalk

I understand where safety concerns play into this, but if you are too nervous about riding your bike in a highly congested area, you must then ride your bike on the sidewalk as if you are a pedestrian. Our space, our rules; no flying down the casual walking space at 20 miles an hours. It’s easy to bump into a pedestrians, since they love to zone out (that also makes pedestrians pieces o’ trash — you’re living in the world, be attentive, christ.)


Insist That Someone Has To Like A TV Show Or Movie

breaking bad babies

You must simply come to terms with the fact that not everyone likes Breaking Bad, orThe Wire, or whatever dumb procedural you’re into. Stop pressuring me, and maybe I might start liking the show since I no longer resent it for making you so annoying.


Invading Poland

Germany invades Poland headline

Oh wait, this was a mistake, it’s supposed to be in my “high-key ways to be human garbage” column…

Agree? Disagree? Feel free to tell me why I’m wrong about any of these (you piece o’ trash…)



One reply on “7 Low Key Ways To Be Human Garbage”

Invading Poland? Seriously; posted on an American site? You guys invade countries every other week on flimsy pretexts.

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