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7 Monstrous Examples of Ballpark Stadium Food You Can Actually Buy –

 

Major league baseball gives you the ability to eat like royalty. Does royalty sometimes have super weird tastes, including the desire to have crab cakes filled with gum? Yes. But goddamn if that doesn’t prove the creative juices are flowing. Here are some of the more memorable Frankenstein monster ballpark stadium foods of the last couple years.

 

The champions alley burger

How can you best measure my potential parenting abilities — by getting an egg, a bag of flour, or a puppy and keeping them safe? No, what you need is the Kansas City Royals’ cheese-stuffed, tempura-battered, cheddar bacon burger on a pretzel bun. Introduced to Kauffman Stadium in 2016 and topped with sweet slaw and chipotle ketchup, the hefty Champions Alley Burger can not only show you how to hold a toddler, but also teach you what it’s like to give birth (out your butt).

 

The slider dog

Froot Loops are unnatural, but there’s nothing quite like mixing them with pimento mac and cheese, bacon, and a hot dog to highlight their colorfully radioactive glow. Known as the Slider Dog, this breakfast/BBQ/comfort food hybrid is available at the Cleveland Indians’ home games, but is technically served by Happy Dog, a Cleveland eatery who’s had a stand in the Progressive Field since 2016.

 

The dilly dog

 

 

Ugh, I can’t put a pickle on top of my corndog — it keeps sliding off and everything’s a mess! I just want to combine pickles, corn dogs, and eating off a stick, but who will help me achieve my dreams?! The Texas Rangers, that’s who. Debuting this season at Globe Life Park in Arlington, the Dilly Dog is a hot dog inside a hollowed-out dill pickle that’s then cornbread-battered and deep-fried. Perhaps you’re asking yourself, “couldn’t you just dip a corndog in relish”? No and how dare you. Relish is an overly-sweet pickle-chunk soup that’s nothing compared to the crisp crunch of a zesty dill pickle. So, give it up for the Texas Rangers, who always give their fans what they want! (Except the fans who want them to win baseball games.)

 

Candy cloud waffle cone

Sugar is in effing everything, so what better way to take it in than a cotton candy-loaded soft serve ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles? Looking like a melted clown, this multi-textured sugar rush experience of 2018 is brought to you by the Great American Ballpark of the Cincinnati Reds. Go hard or go home, baby.

 

The Punisher

Bro, I want to eat, but I haven’t had my Monster yet. You know I need Monster energy drink in my system to properly digest. But what if… Yep, you guessed it bro, a ballpark food fueled by taurine exists. Slathered in Monster-infused BBQ sauce and onion rings, the 2016 rib-meat sandwich deemed “The Punisher” also brings you skewered bacon because we constantly need bacon, bro. Thank you, SunTrust Park of the Atlanta Braves, bro, for finally meeting my needs!

 

Texas snowballs

Take shredded brisket and roll it into a ball. Now, lather that meatball up with funnel cake batter, deep fry the batter-slathered beef-ball, and cover it in powdered sugar! Nope, you’re not having a stroke, it’s another treat from the Texas Rangers’ Globe Life Park in Arlington. Arriving in 2017 and joining the world’s sweet meat combos such as maple bacon, chicken and waffles, and brown sugar jerky, the deliciousness of those other options may actually mean that the Snowballs aren’t that bad?

 

Cracker Jack & Mac Dog

 

Do you love to eat hot dogs at a baseball game, but never find yourself enjoying them unless they honor the musical accompaniment of the seventh-inning stretch? Then this is the dog for you. Placed on naan and featuring salted caramel sauce, Cracker Jack, fried jalapeños, and mac and cheese, this 2016 treasure from the Pittsburgh Pirates’ PNC Park will leave you pure and guilt-free as you sing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”.

 

 

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