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Celebrities are a special breed. Half of us worship them as our new Lovecraftian gods, showering them in money and attention so they may croon and sing us all to sleep while we dream of one day attaining that lofty level of success. The other half bemoan their excess, rolling our eyes at all of their special treatment. But no matter which side of the fence you fall on (be careful falling around fences, you’ll put an eye out!), it’s fascinating the sort of demands you begin to make once you become a bona-fide star, so here are seven of the most ridiculous demands made by musicians. (Credit for all of these wacky demands to The Smoking Gun.)

A Tribe Called Quest want to wrap it up while they enjoy The Colonel

insane demands tribe
(source)

These New York rappers are considered old-school hip-hop royalty, so it makes perfect sense that A Tribe Called Quest enjoy the finer things in life. Their rider includes some fairly standard hospitality, ranging from a fruit tray to peanut butter and jelly, but keep reading, and you’ll get to the good stuff: not only a 24-piece spread of KFC chicken and biscuits, but also two boxes of Lifestyles or Rough Rider condoms (not to be confused with Ruff Ryder condoms, which are reserved exclusively for DMX).

Fred Durst makes damn sure we don’t get another “Bottle Incident”

insane demands durst
(source)

You may have heard about this ragtag bunch from Florida, but if you haven’t, Limp Bizkit has spent much of their career garnering a … well, polarizing response from listeners. So it wasn’t much of a surprise when, in 2003, frontman Fred Durst copped a water bottle straight to the face. Since then, according to their 2014 rider, the Bizkit is trying extra hard to curb bottling incidents: in bold print are the words NO SALE OF REFRESHMENTS IN HARD CONTAINERS — CAN OR BOTTLE FORM — IS PERMITTED, followed by a directive to the promoter to make sure and prevent “missiles, such as bottles, explosive fireworks or other objects” from making their way to the stage (i.e. smack-dab in the middle of Fred’s face).

Mary J. Blige wanted her very own throne

insane demands blige
(source)

Mary J. Blige might have recently dropped this from her rider, but as we all know, the Internet is forever, so we still get to chuckle at an artist demanding their very own toilet seat at every stop on her tour. Not only that, but she demands two SUVs just for her own personal transportation. Mary, why two? There’s only one of you! Unless, of course, you got your hands on the cloning machine from The Prestige! DON’T ACT LIKE YOU DIDN’T, MARY, I KNOW YOU’RE CLONING YOURSELF.

One Direction really (really) love gamin’ it up

insane demands one direction
(source)

This one’s pretty innocent, but come on, if the guys in One Direction are demanding anything more insidious, it’s surely on a separate rider, written in, like … Wingdings. In any case, 1D’s rider calls for a game room with “an apartment or living room type atmosphere” featuring table tennis, a pinball table, and one other game of the promoter’s choice (they list air hockey and Space Invaders as hypotheticals, but come on, guys … we know the classic Aerosmith shooter Revolution X is what you’re really after).

Alabama are definitely NOT pet-friendly

insane demands alabama
(source)

If you haven’t heard of Alabama, then congratulations, you didn’t grow up listening to late ’80s/early ’90s country music. But take my word for it, they were a sorta big deal, so much so that they had a strict no-animal policy on the road. And they meant it, this wasn’t just an “If someone brings their dog, we’ll fine you a couple G’s and all go out for drinks and laugh about it” sort of thing, these guys were deadly serious. If ANY animals were found backstage, then the show’s off, go home, Christmas is canceled. So let me just say right now, to the fellows in Alabama: I’m sorry I tried to smuggle my pet alpaca into your dressing room in San Antonio. He’s just a REALLY big fan.

Guns N’ Roses love porn

insane demands guns n roses
(source)

I’d honestly have been way more shocked if Guns N’ Roses’ rider didn’t include “1 assortment of adult magazines.”

Blink-182 … uh, also … love porn

insane demands blink
(source)

Oh, these guys, too, huh? Well … I suppose they did make “Enema of the State”, and were fairly well-known for an array of suggestively-titled songs. So maybe it makes even more sense for Blink than the folks in GNR to have “1 X-rated lesbian-themed magazine” listed as required reading for each of their tour stops. “Take Off Your Pants and Jacket”, indeed.

What would you demand if you were a big-time rock star? Tell us all the lurid details!

 

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