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7 Things Women Think About While Giving Head

The art of fellatio can be a daunting, redundant, and sometimes difficult job, a job not for the easily gagged or weakened jaw. Combine that with a woman’s inability to relax and you have quite a humorous adventure on your hands. While giving head doesn’t seem to be rocket science, even the most seasoned blowers admit to having a doubt or two when face to face with the one-eyed monster.

I already gave you an inside look at what crosses a woman’s mind while receiving oral, but now it’s time to examine the flip side. Here are the most common things women think while giving head.

Please let him be manscaped.

The last thing a woman wants when she is giving head is a face full of bush, because we all know the bigger the bush, the better chance of loose hairs. I apologize if I just made you gag, in my defense I did too. Don’t me wrong, I know men face this exact fear when heading south on a chick, but when it comes to tolerance of all things yucky and gross, women have a much lower threshold. So you can just imagine when her mouth is chock full o’ cock and a pesky little pube gets caught in her tracheal or worse, her teeth, that the only gagging she’ll be doing is from her vomit and not from deep throating.

What am I going to do with his balls?

Unless you’re a ball sack lover, most women are going to question their interaction with his balls. Thoughts of, “Am I touching them at all? Should I massage them or at least give them a little tug? Fuck, I really don’t want to lick them. Did he just ask me to suck on them?” Men’s nuts are a scary thing and while they can easily be ignored the first few blowjobs, eventually you’re going to have to face the music (the music being his sack). I suggest experimenting a little before setting a “NO BALL PLAY” law into action. See what you can handle and listen to what he likes, chances are if you hear him moaning and groaning like a sex-induced zombie, you won’t mind the fact that he is tea bagging your face.

Why the hell is my mouth making so much noise?

Photo via Toilet Paper Magazine

Ok, not to get to personal here, but the first few times I got on my knees I kept thinking, “Why the fuck is my mouth making so much noise. I don’t sound like this when I’m eating a Tootsie Pop, do I?” The sounds of slipping, slurping, and popping were so deafening (to me) that I was unable to concentrate on the task at hand, resulting in a very confusing and unfinished blowjob. I later found out that men rather enjoy these noises. To them, it’s like listening to the sound track of love, full of saliva violins and penis trumpets.

I sincerely hope he doesn’t expect any ass play.

While it is said there is no greater pleasure than a prostate massage, many men consider this area a NO FLY zone. Unless he grabs your finger and literally sticks it in his ass, I wouldn’t worry about it so much. Diving into ass play is definitely something to be discussed prior to play time, but if you’re in the heat of the moment and feel a strong urge to cork him with your pinky, try exploring the surrounding areas first to gauge his reaction. You will know rather quickly whether he is down for a game of Hole in One.

Should I be making more eye contact?

Photo by Wallace Berman

Thanks to porno’s everywhere, men expect women to be as eager as Jenna Jameson when it comes to sucking them off. As if we didn’t already have enough to do with the stroking, licking, and tugging, now you want me to look at you while your balls deep and look sexy while doing so? Yeah, fucking right! I am not saying an occasional glance upstairs isn’t possible, but if you think I can watch you the whole time without poking my eye out with your cock then you’re crazy son. My advice, when you get a chance ladies, throw him a batted eyelash or two, but don’t get too carried away resulting in an awkward stare down that resembles more of a blinking contest than an actual blowjob.

Why the hell is this taking so long?

Ahhhh, the never-ending blowjob. What was supposed to be a quick treat for your man has turned into a 20-minute workout leaving your mouth dry, jaw exhausted, and neck muscles burning. The first few minutes should be rather enjoyable, teasing him and showing off all your nifty dick-lickin tricks, but after a while, your mind begins to wander. “I thought this blowjob was just to get him hard and ready for sex. Is he planning on coming now and again when we have sex? That’s fine if he wants to come, but just fucking do it already, jeez.” Unfortunately, for women and our over-active brains, once a certain time passes of us doing the same thing whether it be riding a bike, riding a dick, or sucking one, eventually our thoughts stray elsewhere.

Last but not least, to spit or to swallow.

There is so much pressure when it comes to the final resting place of a man’s ejaculation. In her mouth, on her face, on her tits, or in her ass, the options are endless. So it is no surprise that when women are mid-blowy we question where his sperm will end up. “Should I swallow this time? Does he deserve for me to swallow? Maybe he drank pineapple juice then it will taste sweet. Please Lord I hope he didn’t have asparagus because if pee smells that bad after eating it I can only imagine what jizz will taste like.” Like all things manly and macho, men love when a woman swallows rather than spits. I can just hear them saying, “Me likey when woman drink me sperm.” Whatever the reason is and whichever method you choose, I can assure you your man is happy just by having his dick in your mouth.

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