7 Ways Science Will Help You Get Laid

7 Ways Science Will Help You Get Laid


Being a human is a big, messy, complicated adventure, but beneath our tough exteriors, don’t we all just want to be loved? Or at least get a bit of good, old fashioned bonking done.

As a species, we’ve filled near infinite column inches and minutes of airtime with tips and advice for how to attract a mate, with counsel on everything from buying the perfect bunch of flowers to how to spice things up in the bedroom. There’s an awful lot of advice out there, but how do you tell the good from the bad?

Well, perhaps if we really want to get to the heart of this crazy little thing called love, maybe we should cut through all of the fluff and get down to the nitty gritty science of attraction.

Whether you believe in the eternal soul, or maintain that humans are just squishy bags of meat and chemicals (mmm, sexy), it is a fact of life that many of our thoughts, feelings and behaviours are governed by just a handful of neurotransmitters and a tangled mess of genes. Could decoding this complex system really hold the answer to something as complicated as love?

Well, we’ll try anything once.

7. Attraction Is In Your Genes


It turns out that, no matter how well you scrub behind your ears and deliver your best pick up lines, attraction could be all down to your genes.

You know that feeling you get when someone just seems to ooze sex appeal and you can’t figure out why? It might just be that you happen to be genetically compatible with one another and, what’s more, it’s probably down to how they smell.

Every has something called a human leukocyte antigen, which is essentially a gene complex that determines the regulation of the immune system and allows our bodies to detect foreign invaders. This is all to be expected, but the crazy thing is that humans can detect each others’ HLA complexes, and people with very different genetic make-ups will be more attracted to one another.

This could be nature’s way of ensuring good genetic variation within the human species, and also explains why you like the smell of your partner so much.

6. Attractive People Are Jerks

“Nice guys finish last” is such a cliche these days, but there could really be a kernel of truth in there.

First of all, a study in the Journal of Research in Personality found a positive correlation between socially averse behaviour and symmetry of the body. Put simply, if you’re symmetrical (i.e. attractive) you’re more likely to be a bit of a jerk. Both women and men are also more likely to be able to overlook personality flaws if somebody has more genetically appealing traits, as they would be able to produce good, strong offspring, regardless of their habit of checking their phone the whole way through dinner.

Secondly, the effect is probably more likely to come from a bias of perspective than objective reality. As explained fully in the video above, if we split people into four groups of Ugly Jerks, Attractive Jerks, Ugly Nice and Attractive Nice, we can get a sense of how our perspective can be skewed.

Now, you probably don’t want to date Ugly Jerks, so that group can be eliminated. The Attractive Nice group are, presumably, the most in-demand and will therefore be much rarer. If someone is a jerk, they will have to be much more attractive to make up for it and, in the absence of the rare Attractive Nice group so it can seem as though all of the attractive people left are jerks.

So, really, it’s your fault.

5. You Can Tell A Cheater By Looking

Futurama/20th Century Fox

So, you’ve scienced your way into a date, but how do you know that they can be trusted?

Well it turns out that you mother was wrong after all, and you can judge a book by its cover. In fact, there was a study called “You can judge a book by its cover” published in Evolution and Human Behavior that found that humans are intuitively able to pick out a cheater from a line up, but they just might not know why they’re done it.

In the first three experiments, it was found that humans could more readily recognize and recall the faces of cheaters as opposed to cooperators. Even more amazingly, the fourth experiment showed that they will even think that they recognise a cheater, even if they’ve never seen them before.

It might be your brain’s way of putting you on your guard, keeping an eye on the shifty characters in your life. So, if someone’s face seems to pop out of a crowd, it could be that they’re a no good, dirty rotten cheater. Or just really hot.

4. Calculating The Chance Of Getting Laid From Speed Dating

Relativity Media

Perhaps a lot of scientists are having trouble getting dates, but there are a surprising amount of studies looking into the statistics of dating.

One such study is “From dating to mating and relating: Predictors of initial and long-term outcomes of speed-dating in a community sample” from European Journal of Personality which followed the luck and love of 382 participants following a bit of good, old fashioned speed dating, tracking the short and long term outcomes.

As it turns out, if you meet 20 people while speed dating, chances are you’ll have sex with one of them, so if you’re really going to boil the dating game down to numbers, more is definitely, er, more.

3. Look At Their Ring Finger … Length


If you want to tell whether or not you should date a guy, look at his fingers. Not to check for signs of a wedding ring, but to gague the levels of testosterone that he was exposed to while still in the womb, of course. Nothing sexier than that.

As weird as it sounds, scientists have found that the length of the ring finger is somehow linked to the attractiveness of a man. As high testosterone levels are linked to higher sperm counts, increased fertility, good cardiovascular health, symmetrical faces and better genes, you’re more likely to find them attractive on a very primal level.

Proceed with caution, however, as those with elevated testosterone levels are also likely to be more aggressive, promiscuous and even at higher risk of diseases such as Parkinson’s’ and arthritis.

2. It’s All In The Eyes

Artisan Entertainment

We all know that gazing into the eyes of your significant other is pretty intense, but scientists, not to miss out on an opportunity to reduce an intimate and deeply personal experience to a clinical data set, have figured out the optimal gazing time period to increase the levels of passionate love in your relationship.

Weirdly enough, they found that it was two minutes, so you might want to save your passionate staring contest until after dinner if you don’t want your steak to go cold.

Whilst you’re having a good look, you should also check whether their pupils are dilated, thanks to the stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system. be sure to hold that gaze, too, as another study found that darting eyes are a sign of impatience and impulsivity.

They truly are the windows to the soul after all.

1. If You Want To Impress Your Date Get There First

Warner Bros.

Forget what you know about “treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen” or even “fashionably late”, because if you want your date to like you then you should get to the bar/restaurant/skydiving centre first.

This is a cognitive little trick that forces them to approach you, mimicking the experience of choice in their brain. I mean, it’s probably imperative that they’re approaching you by choice anyway, but it just gives them the extra psychological nudge that they’re pleased to see you.

Data from speed dating experiments found that the partners that were sat at tables being approached tend to be better liked than the the ones that rotated around and did the approaching. So to be successful in love, you have to get them to come to you.

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