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8 Celebrity Penises We’ve Unfortunately Seen By Accident

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One day, in a nightmarish-yet-glorious future, we will all have naked photos on the internet. Be it because of an immoral, jilted lover or some jerk at airport security who x-rayed you a little too thoroughly, privacy will be over. And things will be ten times worse for celebrities — they already get no peace from the clawing, drooling, moronic hordes of fans. Some of those celebrities are already ahead of the curve in terms of having their public lives exposed, however. Basically, this was all an incredibly long preamble to say that we’ve seen some celebrity ween on the internet. Bad luck, celebrities!

 

LeBron James

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This one took people a little minute to believe, as if it was hard to process that something like this could happen — in the middle of a timeout, the world’s best basketball player adjusted his shorts right in front of the camera. The trouble is that he adjusted his shorts quite… aggressively, and in the process of pulling them down to re-tuck his jersey, he simply pulled them down too far and showed us all his penis. On national television! His wiener was just… THERE! And his team ended up losing pretty badly, so let that be a lesson to everyone about adjusting their compression shorts on live television.

 

Kanye West

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I don’t know if anyone ever figured out definitively how pictures of Kanye slumped back in his desk chair, with his hog just sort of pulled out over the top of boxer briefs ended up on the internet, but the prevailing theory was that it was sold by one of the many, many women that he sent it to on MySpace. Let that sink in — Kanye West was getting horny online on MYSPACE.

 

Anthony Weiner

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The penis that brought down a New York political giant! Of course, it was attached to the very same man, but still; This is an important reminder that IF you are famous, andIF you send pictures of your penis to people on the internet, they will eventually be published. If you are single and notoriously interested in women, as Kanye was, people will say “Who cares?” But if you’re a married politician who has a number of enemies, well, maybe consider not doing that?

 

Justin Bieber

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I think I’ll just go frolic naked in this tropical waterfall” is something that someone says when they are so rich, they probably deserve to be eaten by the underclass. But hey, at least we have another opportunity for Bieber’s horrible dad to brag about his son’s wang on Twitter.

 

Lenny Kravitz

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Wacky idea: if your leather pants are incredibly tight, maybe don’t be spreading your legs quite so far apart on stage. This isn’t me slut shaming, like “Hey, keep your legs shut!” I’m saying literally keep your legs shut, lest you split the entire crotch open.

 

Draymond Green

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Well, at least LeBron had the excuse of not knowing he pulled his shorts down too low.Golden State Warriors star Draymond Green simply pulled a classic blunder and Snap Storied a picture of his penis instead of directly sending it to a lady. Then he tried the ol’ “I was hacked” before VERY quickly saying “Okay, I’m dumb and that was me.”Ironically, his team lost to LeBron’s Cavaliers in the championship this year, after beating them for the championship LAST year. What I’m saying is, if the public at large sees your penis, you will lose a major sporting championship.

 

Brett Favre

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Remember earlier, when I was like “If you send naked photos to people, and you’re a celebrity, they’ll probably end up on the internet?” Well, that goes double-y true if you send the pictures and they are not solicited. Seriously, REALLY do not do that. They will end up on Deadspin

Orlando Bloom

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This penis was on vacation with Katy Perry so you got the added bonus of seeing Katy in a bikini if you aren’t into the famous peen scene. Those photographers do god’s work… woah!

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