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These Are The 8 Most Common Excuses Women Give For Avoiding Sex (And How To Overcome Them)

“Sex guru” Tracey Cox has determined the eight most common excuses your girlfriend uses when she doesn’t feel like riding your sausage all the way to Baconville, and I’ll tell you right now that half of these are usually bullshit. Is it possible that your girlfriend has a headache? Sure. Is it likely that she’s had a headache every day for the past month? Doubtful.

Let’s dive in.

 

1. “I’ve got a headache/feel sick”

Like I said, if your girlfriend never wants to bone because her head is a-ragin’ and she refuses to take any aspirin for it, chances are she just doesn’t want to fuck you. Obviously the better way to go about this would be to not lie and tell you straight up “Fuck outta here with your dick, dude,” but sometimes words are hard and lies are easier.

2. I’m too busy

If your girlfriend is at her office, giving a presentation to her boss and you come struttin’ in with no pants on at full-mast for all to see, you are lucky if all she tells you is that she’s “too busy.” In other words, whine at her for sex at a time when she’s clearly not busy, i.e. sleeping, out to dinner with her family, eating a bagel – because nothing says “Hump hump hump” like being poked awake by a dick at 4 a.m. and asked for a half-hearted blowie.

 

3. I’m too tired

That’s fair. I’m always tired and yet I make time for sex, however not everyone is a trooper like I am. If your girlfriend’s excuse is that she’s always tired, spike her coffee with some liquid adrenaline or meth so you know whether or not she’s telling the truth or just trying to weasel out of sex with you.

 

4. I don’t have an orgasm so what’s the point?

PREACH SISTER. If this is the case, why are YOU being a selfish lover? Quit being lazy and make her finish, jackass.

5. I feel fat

Possibly the most legit entry on this list. Have you ever tried having sex after eating through five plates of all-you-can-eat sushi? It’s awful. It hurts. It’s almost so physically exhausting I feel like I’ve climbed the Empire State Building in 12-inch heels. No real solution to this one other than repeatedly assuring your girlfriend that she is in fact, not fat, and to quit asking her after the two of you have gorged on pizza and whatever other gut-busting meals you chose to shove down your gullet that day.

 

6. I’m sick of being hassled for sex

Bit of a catch-22 we have here, hm? On one hand she won’t fuck you unless you ask, and on the other she gets pissed when you ask and won’t fuck you. According to Tracey, the fix for this is simple:

It’s called ‘the see-saw phenomenon’: the more one person does, the less the other does. The more often they initiate sex, the less often you will.

But never getting the chance to be the one to say ‘How about it?’ is both tedious and demeaning.

Here’s what you do to fix this one: tell your partner you miss not being the one to initiate sex.
This alone – and I guarantee it – will have an extraordinary reaction.

That, or the two of you will never have sex ever again. Bummer!

7. I’m bored stupid

Buy a dildo. BOOM, problem solved.

 

8. I simply can’t be bothered

Dump her. Dump her like yesterday’s morning bowel movement and then shut the lid before she can crawl back out and into your life. If she can’t be bothered to have sex with you while you’re in a relationship, then why should you be bothered to be in a relationship with her?

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