Television has long been the home of a sort of censored reality, one in which people hardly ever swear and never, ever, get naked. But live TV can be a different beast. You can try to control it all you want, but then whoops, someone’s dropping f-bombs and someone else’s titties have broken free.
And while we’re fans of f-bombs (you better fucking believe it), we’re here today to concentrate on dem titties. And occasionally some dong slips in there as well, but that’s all being a part of an egalitarian society, okay?
Anyway, here are 9 times we saw someone naked on TV.
1974 Oscars Streaker
Back in the day, our TV nudity didn’t come from titillating slips or as a cynical sales tool, but simply from the love of the naked game.
I love this clip simply because you’ve got poor David Niven up there, the most English bro in history, and he handles it like a goddamn boss. A dude just randomly flies by buck-ass-naked while he’s up there in front of millions of people around the world, and Niven just takes a moment to collect himself and then makes fun of the guy’s dick. Like a boss.
But aside from that, isn’t it refreshing to see how laid back everyone is here? They don’t freak out and cut to a commercial and start apologizing. The crowd just laughs, Niven makes his jokes and the goddamn orchestra even starts playing a streaking soundtrack. It truly was a better time.
Yolanda Bowersley On ‘The Price Is Right’
Look, sometimes you meet Bob Barker and you get so excited your titties come flying out. I get it.
Again, this is a case where everyone is just chill about some random nudity. Everyone just wants to spin the wheel, maybe win a new washer and dryer set and the next thing you know there are boobs everywhere and, you know what? That’s okay. Bob Barker handles it like a pro, makes some jokes and they all get on with it. Hell, Bob probably took Yolanda backstage later and “comforted” her, all while whispering sweet nothings about spaying and neutering her pets in her ear.
This one often goes overlooked, which is bizarre, because you would think nerds would have been all over their beloved Xena slipping a boob. But it happened, and what’s even more amazing is that they actually replayed it in slow motion, just in case anyone watching at home missed it, I guess. Another fine production, indeed.
You could ask what in the hell Lucy Lawless was doing singing the national anthem before a hockey game, or you could just do what my creepy old geometry teacher did the next day and tell a whole bunch of teenagers “Wow, you could see her boob, heh heh heh!” Yes, I am old.
Look, we’ve all seen this. Starving children in Africa have seen this. But we have to talk about it because this marked a crucial point in TV nudity. This is the moment when the term “wardrobe malfunction” was born, and when everyone inexplicably decided to get all uptight about it. Gone were the days of jokes and orchestras playing along, replaced by quick camera cut-aways and nervous apologies from grim-faced talking heads.
But there’s another part of this that doesn’t get talked about much. Let’s talk about Justin Timberlake’s role here. Now, you can look at this two ways. Either this was intentional and pre-planned, in which case it was cynical as hell and JT agreed beforehand to rip a woman’s top off on live TV, which seems, at best, a weird decision for the dude. Or it was, as everyone claimed, an accident, in which case JT basically got away with sexually assaulting Janet Jackson on live TV. Uh… are we sure that’s the story you want to run with?
Lita’s Live Sex Celebration
Here’s the backstory: WWE Diva Lita’s man, Edge, just won the title and he decided to celebrate with her by having a “live sex celebration” in the middle of the ring. Truly, pro wrestling at its finest. The sport of kings indeed.
In the midst of all this, Lita’s naked boob ended up on live TV, which proves once and for all that wrestling is indeed real.
If anything, the reaction to this was surprisingly subdued. Legendary hornball announcer Jerry “the King” Lawler gets excited, yes, but it’s not as over-the-top as you might expect, and his announcing partner, Jonathan Coachman, now an ESPN anchor, does the whole “it’s live TV hahaha” schtick and everyone moves on. Yes, WWE handled this sort of thing better than the NFL. Just think about that.
Jennifer Lopez on ‘Wetten, Dass…?’
Yes, somewhere in that German insanity, Jennifer Lopez’s boob popped out. I’m almost surprised that one of the creepy Germans didn’t just straight-up start honking her boob or something.
Anyway, this is Germany, and so nobody really made a big deal out of this, probably because they’re used to watching scat porn on live TV. Probably not on their version of the goddamn Today Show(Wetten, Dass..? means “What’s Happening?” in German, so it’s basically a light, topical show) but then again, maybe. I don’t know. Germany is fucked up.
By the way, Salma Hayek also suffered a little slip on her appearance on Wetten, Dass…? if that’s something you’d be interested in. Yeah, I thought so.
Various NFL Dongs
For some reason, cameras are always catching NFL dudes naked in locker rooms. I get it, accidents happen, but you don’t see this happen in all the other sports. But it happens all the time in the NFL. There were multiple incidents in 2015 alone, like the above clip, which comes from the Bengals locker room.
The most famous incident probably is the Visanthe Shiancoe dong-hanging, where cameras caught his goddamn baby arm reaching out to them in the Minnesota Vikings locker room. To be honest, if I had that dude’s dong, I’d be running around pantsless all the time too, and… you’re right, this is getting weird.
LeBron James Penis is the MVP of the NBA Finals
You all remember this. That’s because as soon as it happened, Twitter suffered a meltdown, like no one had ever seen a penis before. Granted, it was LeBron James’ penis, and it was on live TV with millions of people watching, and it only happened because he inexplicably started stripping while a camera-man was two feet away from him, but still. I mean, it’s not like he started playing with it or anything. After all, he’s got to save something for this year’s Finals.
Miley Cyrus at the MTV VMA’s
This was maybe the least-surprising bit of live TV nudity ever. In fact, given that Miley has pretty much become a nudist, it was almost surprising that this was all she ended up showing.
But what’s perhaps more important is that everyone knew something like this would happen and they went ahead with it anyway, which perhaps indicates that maybe everyone is starting to chill a little bit about nudity. Sure, there was still a quick cut-away and no orchestras started playing, but no one really freaked out either. Maybe that’s just because it was Miley, and they were just happy she didn’t go full shooting-ping-pong-balls-out-of-her-cooch, but I choose to believe we’re headed in the right direction, back to a place where David Niven can make jokes about a streaker’s lack of dong, to a place where we understand that live TV nudity isn’t something to be embarrassed by, but celebrated.
9 Memorable Times We Saw Someone Naked On Live TV When We Weren’t Supposed To