ALL ABOARD: World’s First Sex Cruise To Offer Orgies On The High Seas

stepbrothers[1] I love cruises. I eat like a pig. Go to a different port every day. Get norovirus and puke and shit all the food your gorged on and not gain a single pound. They always have fun activities on cruises like karaoke, trivia by the pool and bingo. However, a new cruise gets rid of the traditional diversions and just wants you to fuck.

The Mexican adult hospitality firm Original Group, which owns three adult-only resorts in Riviera Maya and Cancun, has chartered a giant vessel and will host the world’s first sex cruise. The newly renovated, 690-passenger, newly renovated Azamara Quest will bring an orgy-fueled trip of a lifetime to the high seas. The ship, owned by Royal Caribbean Cruises, will embark on an eight-day “Desire” cruise from Italy to Croatia and Slovenia in the fall of 2017 (If you are planning on going on the Azamara Quest, it’s probably best to go on it before fall of 2017 because you don’t want to be on that first cruise after the sex cruise).

1070746-13-20160603143006[1]IT WILL LOOK LIKE THIS BUT WITH A LOT MORE BUTTS

The Charlotte Observer details the expedicktion:

During the sailing, the ship will be transformed with performances, couples workshops, themed nights and “intense icebreakers” designed for motion in the ocean. Open-mindedness is encouraged on the couples-only voyage, whether that be at the “mix-n-mingle” private playrooms or at the clothing-optional areas of the ship, such as the pool deck.

I guess that’s better than going to a class where they spend an hour teaching you how to make animals out of bath towels.

“We’re thrilled to bring to the sea our more than 30 years of experience in creating the perfect sensual atmosphere for adults, and we have no doubt that the Desire Cruise experience will be life-changing for our passengers and will become the sensual way to get away,” said Rodrigo de la Peña, CEO of Original Group.

There are rules for this floating syphilis carrier:

“Our playrooms have been designed for sexual and erotic pleasure. We ask that you use these couples-only areas to fulfill your intimate desires.”

Remember, it’s called a “gangway,” and not the “gangbangway.”

Prices for this floating fuck fest start at $2,883 and can go up to $10,996 per person.

But before you unleash your dinghy out of your dry dock, you should understand a few things.

The cruise is not going to look like this.

Or this.

Or this.

The sex cruise is sure to look more along these lines.

And even if there are some women on this expected sausagefest, you know they are going to be 57-years-old with knockers hitting their knees whenever they walk.

You’ve been warned.


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