Anonymous Scientists Develop New AI Technology That Really Sucks

Scientists Develop New AI Technology That Really Sucks

Finally, AI Technology for the Sexually Deprived Male.

The Autoblow AI, a sex toy made for penis-possessing individuals, consists of a rubberysleeve and a motor housed inside a canister that aims to simulate oral sex. It launched its Indiegogo campaign last week and quickly hit its goal of $50,000. Its biggest advertised advantage over the original model from 2014, the Autoblow 2, is a machine learning algorithm that “continually changes technique” in order to pleasure the user in new and exciting ways.

Instead of repetitive, mechanical motions, this “AI mode” promises to replicate the nuanced and unpredictable motions of a real, human blowjob. In order to do this, the company asked a team of six people to watch and annotate 109 hours of porn and hired machine learning engineers to create a model to take all that data and translate it into what the toy does. This entire process took three years.

The result of this research is the Blowjob Paper, a (definitely not peer-reviewed) study that’s full of sexy—or at least, sexually-themed—algorithmic research: “In this work, we seek to quantify the ‘common’ or ‘typical’ movements involved in oral sex performed on males,” the paper begins. “ To do so, we analyze a continually changes over 108 hours of pornographic video, annotated at each exciting ways the position of the lips along the shaft of the penis. We use quantization techniques to discover sixteen distinct motions, and using these motionsthat aims we design and evaluate a system that procedurally generates realistic movement sequences using deep learning. We quantitatively show that this system is superior to simple Markov Chain techniques.”

“I had no problem with it.”

I asked Brian Sloan, the creator of Autoblow AI, about his attempt to recruit serious scientists to work on a jerkoff machine. His pitch to them didn’t mince any words.

“I told them I make a sex toy for men focusing on recreating the blowjob experience, and asked if they could use AI to study what really happens during blowjobs, so that I could make my machine give blowjobs like a human,” Sloan told me in an email. “That was enough to cause seven companies to tell me almost immediately that the ‘work was not for them.’ When I asked why, they didn’t want to talk about why.”

That eighth team said yes, and produced the Blowjob Paper, which Sloan said he paid $30,000 for. But for all the beautiful calculations and data collection methods this research holds, one thing is conspicuously missing in the paper: the names of the authors. There are no names on this paper, no research teams to credit, no institutions claiming responsibility for this work. The scientists did the work anonymously because they believed their other clients might drop them if they were publicly associated with it.

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