Arizona Man Says He’s Selling His Ranch Because Aliens Tried To Abduct His Wife
If you’re into “Alien Greys” mutilating your livestock and trying to abduct your wife, well hot damn, do we have the place for you.
According to 12 News, an Arizona man and his wife are selling their ranch in Rainbow Valley for just $5 million because he says he’s sick and tired of dealing with those damn aliens, and it appears as though trying to abduct his wife was the last straw.
“Almost immediately from the day we moved in, we began to have strange experiences,” Stardust Ranch owner John Edmonds said. “They actually levitated her out of the bed in the master chamber and carried her into the parking lot and tried to draw her up into the craft.”
Through the years, Edmonds has taken to social media to bitch about the aliens fucking up his 10-acre ranch that was supposed to serve as a horse rescue instead of a hotbed of extraterrestrial action. In one post, the dude posted a picture of a samurai sword in a pool of “dried blood” that allegedly belonged to one of the dozen or so aliens he has killed on his property.
Still, Edmonds says the house would be a great fit for the “right person,” which apparently means a person who is interested in murdering aliens.
“It’s a mixed bag,” he said. “It’s not something for a traditional family, but it holds a lot of secrets and what I believe are future opportunities to understand forces that are in the universe.”
If that sounds like you, then just round up five million bucks, and the Stardust Ranch is all but yours. Although, something tells me this guy would be willing to settle for $4.5 million at this point.