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The only thing better than a great first date is witnessing someone else having a bad one.

 

First dates are the worst. All you are trying to do is get laid (or married), but first you have to sit down for drinks and remember how many siblings you have and what your major was in college.

And that’s if you’re doing it right.

Toronto blooger Anne Thériault found herself sitting next to a scenario worse than a first date: the worst first date. Thankfully, Thériault live-tweeted the gory details because, if you have the fortune of being seated next to the worst first date in history, you have no right to keep it to yourself.

It begins here:

Maybe he doesn’t fit in because he goes on dates and tells people he’s different. I mean, the character does. The character.

But enough about me, let’s talk about what you think about me.

Thériault later claims that this douche-lagoon actually does look like Franco, which is probably how he got this poor girl to go out with him in the first place. Look like Franco all you want bro, but if you aren’t actually a movie star AND you don’t take interest in other people, you’re sleeping alone.

Caution: Demons at work

Oh cool, he’s a writer snob AND a coffee snob.

I mean, they don’t even turn a profit.

Everyone knows the way to a woman’s heart is through insulting her profession. This guy’s insecurities are so strong they could shift the magnetic poles.

And I bet his puttanesca sucks.

Why won’t you tell me you love me, daddy?!

Finally, an escape plan is hatched.

Of COURSE he brought his laptop with him to his date, its the only thing that could withstand hearing about himself without interruption.

I’m really impressed with the mother/oven excuse, too. Whenever I need to end a bad date I just end up dating them for three months.

Now that the story has gone viral, our tweeter has come under fire from the so many cranky men on the internet who cannot bare negative press for their gender.

Anne sums up the attention as such:

 

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