The Biggest Frustrations All Rolled Into One Way-Too-Familiar Collection
The first time I saw Larry David with wrap rage trying to open a difficult package, I understood what pure visceral hate felt like. So I figured, why not roll up a bunch of these frustrations for you? When it comes to personal pet peeves, petty grievances and biggest frustrations all rolled into one way-too-familiar collection, you’ll get that visceral feeling, too. So thoughtful, I know.
Whether it’s the taste from opening condoms with your teeth (yeah, your tongue gets a lick) or the boundless buyer’s remorse you get every time you see your asshole cat take another jab at your pride, there’s enough frustration for everyone. And that’s without even getting into orange-haired trolls who piss people off (yes, obviously Kathy Griffin, the one person who couldn’t spearhead the overthrow of our fearless dictator).
So strap in as many times as you can, because we’re taking you to all the places you love to go when you’re in too good of a mood. We left out hanging Christmas lights by the thousands, only to find one has gone out (purely because it’s summertime). By the end, you’ll be a steaming, hot pile of frustration, ready to go out and share it with the world. That’s a promise.
We all know at least one asshole cat. They’re probably currently ruining our lives and we don’t even know it.
Blowing Our Asses Off into Super Nintendo Games
It’s not just the pure frustration of not knowing if all your wasted breath will get the game to start properly, but more so that you look like an absolute idiot doing it.
CD cases, condoms and ironically a new pair of scissors.
Any guy who gives up and uses his teeth will instantly regret it. Remember that the next time a prostitute puts her mouth on one in front of you, not that we expect that to happen again soon.
Folding Fitted Sheets
All of life’s problems rolled up into one literal ball of frustration.
Walking Behind Slow-Ass People
It usually happens when you need it to the least. You’re the guy who gets so pissed off he cuts through a funeral procession.
In Case You Need to See It to Believe It
Can you feel the anger rising? You could kill someone in this situation and not feel a drop of remorse.
Gene Wilder pretty much articulates it perfectly, god rest his soul. Politics, philosophy and the struggle/blessing that parenting is. Yeah, you know who you are, high school dropout talking about healthcare reform.
Carry-Ons Barely Exceeding the Limit
“Please place your bag in the bin, sir.”
“I’ll place you in the bin!”
That’s fine, just throw your belongings in the trash.
The only thing better than Tinder is finding your girlfriend on it. And things were going so well, you thought.
M(ore) Night Shyamalan Shit Movies
Seriously, watch this honest trailer. The “M” in M. Night stands for “more shit.” How come he gets to keep making shit movies because he had a couple decent ones? Why can’t I get some money for my documentary on slow walking assholes?
Seriously, Screw Slow People
The worst. Once you’re going that slow, you’re no longer contributing to society, only detracting. I move for immediate removal.