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You Can Now Give Oral Sex Long-Distance By Licking Your Phone

And here is some more useless sex technology that someone will be in to.

If you folks weren’t into the app that helps stop premature ejaculation, perhaps you’ll be into “O-Cast,” an app that allows people to upload simulated oral sex sessions and then that can be downloaded on to a vibrator via bluetooth. What a world!

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Darren Press, the poor dude who has to be the O-Cast spokesperson, called it “iTunes for oral sex,” because O-Cast’s goal is to offer different tongue patterns for download at their website. Man, I wish I was a fly on the wall during their pitch meeting.

So how in the hell does this work? Well, according to the Huffington Post, “one person will download a web app that records vibratory patterns made by licking the phone screen.” Genius, right?

Got anything more to add, Press? “You can also use your finger, but telling people to lick the phone helps the click bait. If your phone screen is clean, you should be OK.” Or you can get sick and die. Who knows.

All those vibratory patterns are then connected via bluetooth to the Lush, a remote control vibrator that sells for $100 each. Seems worth it, no? No? OK.

Hell, even porn star Charley Hart tested it out and she gives a thumbs up:

“I loved it. Nothing is like the real thing, but it’s great when the other person is far away.” Thanks for your plug, Charley!

So if you’re interested get those tongues ready.

Nope, not like that.

Little closer.

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Perfect.

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