Catholics ‘Come Out’ Against Marriage Equality

In case you’ve been living in a bunker huddled under a Confederate flag quilt since last week there’s been some big news: Gay people can get married now across the land! Yes! Freedom! Love! Hurrah!

It’s a BFD and a turn of events that should please everyone, or at least not upset anyone, since no one was negatively affected by the decision that granted marriage equality to millions. But wait, we’re forgetting one neglected minority: Butthurt Catholics. Yes, those Catholics have it hard now that hot-pants-wearing hedonists are getting married all around them, and they’ve responded with a new ad that makes it clear who the real victims are here: Them.

Watch. Gag. Barf.

As Kristina Monllos over at AdWeek pointed out, the ad is gross both for its message and its delivery:

The ad, with a straight face, position Catholics as a persecuted group for not having their message of intolerance (here blatantly recast as its opposite) widely accepted these days. It even plays like a coming-out video for Catholics who are afraid to take the “brave” step of voicing their objection to equality. That’s a pretty audacious tactic—disingenuous and disrespectful, to say the least.

Indeed. But let’s try to see it from their perspective for a moment. It must be really tough out there for those who believe only in “traditional” or “P in V” marriage. (Butt stuff is reserved for priests.) The world is changing around them and, after long battles, people are finally winning the right to be equal before the law. All of which has had…no negative effect on Catholics whatsoever.

There’s no right to see the freedoms of others restricted due to your professed beliefs, just like there’s no right (outside of Indiana) not to serve people pizza based on their sexual orientation. To quote George Takei: “Bigotry, cloaked as religious protection, is still bigotry.”

So, my dear marriage traditionalists, open your hearts, open your ears, and hear this: You aren’t wrongly persecuted for your views, but rightly disdained for them. Disdained by a society that, bit by bit, is finally moving on. Your bigotry is not enshrined by the Constitution and your traditions are not the law of the land.

But the right of two people to marry regardless of their sex? That is.

Enjoy this parody:


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