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CELEBRATE YOUR INDEPENDENCE WITH THESE PATRIOTIC BONER INDUCING MOVIE SCENES | Chaostrophic
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CELEBRATE YOUR INDEPENDENCE WITH THESE PATRIOTIC BONER INDUCING MOVIE SCENES

Fourth of July weekend is upon us, and what better way to celebrate this country and our independence then by kicking back and taking a trip down stars and stripes memory lane? That’s right. Put on your all-American gear and take a look at the most patriotic scenes in movie history — scenes that really gave us all a patriotic boner.

“Air Force One” – “Get Off My Plane!”

Let’s kick this one off with Harrison Ford as president of the United States. And what does President James Marshall do when his plane is hijacked by a bunch of crazy Russians? Kick ass, that’s what. This scene specifically makes us want to stand on our seat and wave that American flag.

“The Patriot” – “No Retreat!”

Speaking of waving that big, beautiful flag, how about seeing Mel Gibson as Benjamin Martin wave it during a battle with British forces? Now that’s a thing of beauty. Makes you want to light some firecrackers in the backyard while chanting “USA! USA!”

“Pearl Harbor” – Cuba Gooding Jr. Goes Nuts
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Michael Bay loves his country. He makes that very clearly in every movie he does where every other country sucks except for us. So of course he was going to have that one scene that makes every American scream “fuck yeah!” I’m sure you did it in the theater before being escorted out by a teenage employee. But at least you got to see Cuba go crazy with a gun.

“Independence Day” – “Today We Celebrate Our independence Day!”

Sure, the sequel is getting shit on by critics, but the original “Independence Day” still makes us want to get on a jet and kick some alien ass. And if you don’t get chills while listening to President Whitmore’s speech than you aren’t human. And if you aren’t human you have something in common with me. Now if only I can feel emotion.

“Glory” – “C’mon!”
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Even while his infantry is taking shots, nothing brings down the Union’s first all-black infantry, as Pvt. Trip (Denzel Washington) looks over his shoulders and yells “C’mon!” while he holds up the American flag and takes charge. All in the name of freedom!

“Rocky IV” – Take That, Russia
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It’s pretty common knowledge that Rocky himself ended the Cold War, and he accomplished that by beating Ivan Drago and the entire country of Russia. Thanks, Rocky! We owe you one.

“Miracle” – No, Seriously, Deal With It, Russia (USSR, But Still)

It’s been over 30 years since the 1980 U.S. hockey team beat the heavily favorite USSR National team, but it’s only been 12 years since the movie with Kurt Russell was released. So if you didn’t get your patriotic boner from the “You were born for this” speech, you’ll get it from the scene above.

“Mighty Ducks 2” – “Ducks Fly Together”
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Sure, it’s not on the grand scale of America beating the Soviet Union, but it’s close, right? Just a bunch of ducks getting together to form team USA and show Iceland hockey how it’s done. This scene features all of team USA reminding themselves that they all are different but still have to play as one. Plus, it was hard not to root against team Iceland when their head coach looked like a villain from an ’80s movie.

“Apollo 13” – Re-Entry

What’s more patriotic than scenes from moments that actually occurred? Throw in Tom Hanks and you have patriotic overload. After facing near-death, Apollo 13 and its crew return safely home to the joy of everyone around the country and world. Including Ed Harris.

“Armageddon” – The Launch

Let’s round this out by including another Michael Bay film: “Armageddon.” This scene is literally oozing red, white and blue. Take a step back, other countries. America and the finest oil drillers known to man got this. Fuck yeah.

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