Chick Arrested For Giving Her Cheating Boyfriend’s Dick Third-Degree Burns With A Hair Straightener

Hair Straightener

***Beware, boys. This story may make your penises shrink into your stomachs as a defense mechanism.***

For those of you stupid enough to keep reading, a 22-year-old South Australian woman received  a 9-month suspended jail sentence after pleading guilty to recklessly causing serious harm after burning her boyfriend’s dick with a hair straightener.

According to the Daily Mail, Bronwyn Joy Parker had a history of being a jealous girlfriend. So jealous, in fact, that she made her boyfriend promise to the above scenario if he ever cheated on her.

Welp, he did. With his ex. And it resulted in third-degree burns on his meat popsicle that doctors say may take years to heal completely. (Straighteners can heat up to around 450 degrees Fahrenheit.)

Bronwyn Joy Parker,22, pleaded guilty to burning her boyfriends penis with a hair straightener after he spent two days with his ex-girlfriend

During the sentencing District Court Judge Paul Muscat was flabbergasted with the details, as was I. Judge Muscat delivered the harrowing diagnosis to the court room:

“In short, his penis will be scarred for life and he will suffer from a number of issues, including the proper function of his penis, not to mention the cosmetic and psychological problems associated with the scarring to such a sensitive site.”

After the incident took place, Ms. Parker was interviewed by police and showed an utter lack of understanding of the monstrosity of her actions.

“To start off with, it looked brown around the outside and it didn’t look too bad, it just looked as if you had cooked a piece of meat.”

kabob animated GIF

A cooked piece of meat was probably the worst, most incriminating desciption you could possibly give. You demonic barbarian.

The victim, who remained unnamed for obvious reasons (because he’s a little bitch), described his sizzling schlong to authorities as having “blisters and discoloration”  and reported that he was embarrassed to immediately contact authorities.

Bros, have you ever accidentally touched one of those hair straighteners when they’re at peak heat? They’re fucking hotter than the seventh circle of Hell. Chances that dude regains feeling in his shaft: -6%.

Chick Arrested For Giving Her Cheating Boyfriend’s Dick Third-Degree Burns With A Hair Straightener



4 replies on “Chick Arrested For Giving Her Cheating Boyfriend’s Dick Third-Degree Burns With A Hair Straightener”

He should have just beaten her to within an inch of her life the moment she made contact. Or pulled out a hair curler and make her pink hole her brown hole.

So, she made him agree to this punishment if he cheated on her…. and he agreed? If he stayed with her after that it’s his own damn fault; he should have dumped her ass immediately, no questions asked. And THEN he was stupid enough to cheat on her? DUMB ASS. This in NO WAY excuses her abuse, though. I just thought men understood the idea of “don’t stick your dick in crazy”.

She’s crazy, needs to be in jail for YEARS for this assault; this is no joking matter. If the genders were reversed in this story people would be losing their shit (and rightly so) but this lack of concern for abused men is really starting to piss me off. It’s a terrible double standard that needs to end.

you’re right if the roles were reversed he would be facing 5-10 years and be labeled a sex offender

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