‘Crotch Charms’ Are The Latest Fashion Statement And Cry For Help


While some self-loving people have grown a fondness for bathing suit shopping, many others will never stop thinking it’s the worst. And if you’ve been wearing the same suit for the past three summers, perhaps you’ve spent most of this summer putting off a beach trip because trying on bikinis sounds worse than getting a root canal. But there’s good news–a product that will allow you to continue wearing your faded old bikini while still looking fly as hell finally exists.

Say heyyy to the Bikini Crotch Charm, also known as the BeachTail. As pointed out by the Daily Mail, Japanese retailer BoDivas is selling the item online for $19.50. And it’s quite literally a chain with varying charms that you affix to the crotch of your bathing suit bottoms.

The item’s description on Etsy and Amazon asks the consumer, “Have you ever seen this style before???” Um, no, no I have not.

The BeachTail features a 2.75-inch long chain, not unlike one you might find on a punk teen’s jeans, that goes around the crotch of your swimsuit. That means that yes, it will rub right up on your hooha. The more delicate dangling chains are 1.5 inches long and finished with two charms. The crotch charms, which are made of Swarovski crystal, come in a variety of colors, including clear, blue, purple, pink, red, black, and more. There’s also a charm-free version that features 3-inch dangling chains—for the classy consumer.

If you’re considering ordering this (some people actually have), don’t worry about all your neighbors sneaking a peak at your packages and thinking to themselves, “What the heck is a Bikini Crotch Charm? My neighbor is weird. I’m going to steal her Marie Claire again.” The item’s description adds that the customs declaration label categorizes the item as a “Fashion Strap.” Phew?

The item’s page also adds that the user is responsible for determining if they have a metal allergy (the item is made of rhodium silver plated brass), so if you’re unsure, you probably shouldn’t stick this anywhere near your coochie. Luckily, BoDivas makes several other ~sexy~ items you can experiment with, including Nipple NoosesClit Clips, and Nipple Ring Chains.

BoDivas did not immediately respond to Someecards‘ request for comment–nor our request for BeachTails for the whole office.

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