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A Very Detailed History Of Orgies

Long before the first grunting cave person discovered that his/her sexual pleasure was multiplied by having others, not only present, but participating in a group melange, warm blooded mammals were taking part in orgies. Porpoises have been holding group sex parties (along with extra-marital, pre-marital, bestial, masturbatory, homo, bi, and other sexual practices) in the ocean for millions of years before we came along.

But you say fish-sex bores you? OK, then, let’s talk about human orgies. Where did they begin? Nobody knows for sure, but early historical evidence indicates that the Persians, the Lydians, and the Sybarites were no strangers to the delights of multiple sex. Governors and other famous rulers of the Middle Eastern lands were often famous for the debaucheries they constantly enjoyed. But, without a doubt, the inventors of the modern orgy were the Greeks.

Photo via Typepad

Beginning of Orgies

So famous are the Greeks for their orgies that one whole kind of sexual act has been given their name for posterity. “Greek love,” the polite way of saying sodomy (itself the polite way of saying ass-fucking), was made prominent almost single handedly by the Ancient Greeks.

The Greek women that tended the Oracle at Delphi regularly held their own separate orgies to the God Dionysius, and, every autumn, the Elyesian Rites were held at which massive incest was joyfully practiced. The statues of Aphrodite were famed throughout Greece for the beauty of their buttocks, and Greek boys and girls actually took the statues into streams and bathed them, as well as attaching garlands of flowers before the annual festivities. And the Olympic Games, first held by the Greeks, were orgies in the classic sense of the word. On the last day of the games, the prizewinners were expected to share their physical superiorities with the men and women of the hosting towns. This was a day of feasting and revelry, where the young boys held contests of dancing while the young female cup-bearers stripped off their clothes and did erotic dances.

And so, from our point of view, the Greeks began it all. They were soon followed by the Romans, who took up the torch of Greek culture, and whose own culture was in many respects just a poor imitation of the Greek. And so it was with orgies. What had been in Greece a graceful and refined style of mass sexuality became in the Roman world an excuse for cruelty and perversion. Roman orgies were filled with the cruelties of castration, rape, forced incest, vomiting, and other excesses which, unfortunately, came to be associated with the orgy itself and, in time, gave orgies a bad name. The Christian takeover of Rome ended the practice of having large public orgies and drove orgies underground.

Unknown to the Christians, and very little known to the Romans and other provincial rulers of the times, a Greek cult lived on which worshipped the Goddess Diana. This underground counterculture carried on the Grecian tradition of love, boundless energy, and free eroticism. It survived quietly into the Middle Ages. Then, the modern era of orgies began.

At this time, orgies were not held in the temples or large cities, nor at international festivals, but in secret, in the deep forests by moonlight. Free sex had been driven underground, and stayed there for nearly a thousand years. So who were these new orgiastic participants? They were the people the Christian church called the witches, who met at night and held their own rituals. Of what did these rituals consist? Well, one thing we know—“The final activity of the sabbath was a phallic orgy: heathen, drug-abetted, communal sex.” And you’d better believe it was no small affair, what with six males, six females, a head priestess, and all the guests who cared to attend the midnight festivities.

But eventually the Christian Church managed to put an end to these orgies—that’s what the Inquisition was all about—and again orgies, for all practical purposes, died out until the 20th century. Oh yes, there were incidents at nunneries and in Elizabethan England, and the French and southern European courts were said to be pretty wild, but it just didn’t have the old excitement that had been present in the days of old.

Art by Fee Greening

Orgies of the 20th Century

The 20th century, the birthplace of the transistor and the neon sign, was to be the place where massive sex would begin again. And how has it begun? Well, first of all, there have always been two type of orgies: the secular, which was primarily just for the hell of it, and the religious, in which the participants at least pretended to be doing it all for the gods.

Religious orgies in the 20th century? If you don’t believe it, just listen to this excerpt from the United World Marriage Ceremony practiced by the “OM” community:

OVERSEER: “Will you sip the Wine of Love that the Goddess Lovelight pours from her Heavenly Chalice before the eye Of OM…?”

GROOM: “Yes-O Sacred Mistress—I will most gladly do so.” (Kneels between the open thighs of the bride and places lips on her vagina and with tongue lovingly parts the vaginal lips of the Bride)…

And this:

OVERSEER: “Will you sip the Love Nectar that the Archmaster pours from his Fountainhead of Power before the Eye of OM, before the Overseer, and before this holy Community?”

BRIDE: “Yes-O Sacred master—I will most gladly do so.” (Kneels between the parted thighs of the Groom and places lips on his phallus and with tongue lovingly licks it, finally places phallus into her mouth and begins most lovingly to suck it).

And what of secular orgies? Well, folks, they’re happening all the time, but nobody seems to mention them. In nearly every town that this writer has ever visited, he’s either attended or at least heard mention of a good party which became more. But the problem is that everyone is so damned quiet and secretive about the orgy (which is, today, more likely referred to as group sex). Therefore, we have prepared this next section, to help you hold your own orgy, and perhaps bring back the most joyful form of sexual camaraderie ever known.

Now that we are all familiar with the history, scope, and worldwide occurrence of orgies, we thought it might be nice for us to consider some of the factors which might go into holding your own orgy.

Photo via Katrina Conquista

Tips for Hosting Your Own Orgy

The People: The first consideration is to invite the right people. To begin with, the number of people invited must be correct. How to determine this magic quantity? Easy. Simply calculate how many people can comfortably fit into the padded surfaces of your apartment or house, and then add five per every average-sized room. This guarantees some groping, fondling, and at least some spontaneous brushing. There is nothing more dismal than to attend an orgy in which the rooms to be used are virtually empty, thereby causing the necessity of moving constantly to seek out one’s next sexual partner. The partner should be accessible by just reaching out and holding. The best orgies of this century have involved pilings of three or more contiguously.

Then there is the question of who to invite. This is very touchy in some circles, as may be imagined, so let us simply lay down some time-tested rules: invite only those who will participate, with the possible exception of a few photographers. Do not invite claustrophobics, catatonics, or members of your immediate nuclear family (unless they’re cool). Do invite people who are reasonably attracted to each other so that no one will be left out. It’s a real bummer for the host or hostess to be worrying about someone left out and sitting in the corner, with only himself to abuse.

As a final consideration about those who to invite, make sure your crowd is somewhat open and free in their sexuality. A division into couples can ruin even the social event of the decade. It must be firmly understood by all prospective attendees that they are not to discriminate in their choice of orgasm partners by either race, creed, nationality, political leanings, marital status, or sexual preference. Avoid those who will get into arguments about the meaning of the 21st Psalm, the best way to repair an air conditioner, or the number of times they’ve come. The best guests are those who will get it on with anyone who still moves, because that’s what you hope will start to happen.

The Atmosphere: The first element of a successful orgy environment is the lighting. Lighting should be just bright enough to enable the participants to distinguish their own bodies from other peoples’. Another test is whether those involved can find their favorite bodily orifices. Any brighter, and you’ll simply undo the whole thing.

Candles are not so good for this occasion, especially on the floor, as hot wax (like sand at the beach) has a habit of getting into the most private and embarrassing of places. Red and purple lights are the best, as they add to the general “hot” feeling of the room. Avoid blue and green, unless you wish an “android” effect. And above all, turn off any direct or fluorescent lighting. Sunlight is the ultimate faux pas.

The Food and Drinks: The next element is food. Make all the food you serve wet, slippery, and rich. Chocolate syrup is perfect for this, as is whipped cream, Wesson oil, mayonnaise and buttery things in general. It is best to avoid “crunchy” foods, such as celery or soy nuts, and concentrate on semi-fluid edibles. Serving dishes are not usually necessary, as the guests will find their own containers into which they will pour and from which they will imbibe. A large box (or several) of tissues and napkins might be helpful.

Another consideration: the providing of relaxants. Even the most sexually liberated person will come to an orgy with slight reservations about the whole thing, even if those reservations simply concern staying power. You, as the host or hostess, must make your partners and friends as relaxed as they do at home reading Head. Plan to provide ample marijuana for twice the number you expect, as well as plenty of sweet liquers, smoking herbs, aspirin (for those with the “headache” routine). If all this is too expensive, ask each guest to bring something—they’ll be glad to provide something that contributes to their own relaxation and pleasure.

The Stimulants: One last consideration: You must provide certain “stimulating devices” to get the action going, and to keep it going once it starts. Vibrators and ribbed condoms will turn it from conversation to action. Dildos of all sizes are recommended highly. The spirit of many people, alas, remains long after the flesh is exhausted. Double-headed dildos are especially recommended for those who prefer group anal or vaginal stimulation. Many will especially appreciate the presence of Vaseline or KY Jelly.

Well, that should be enough to help you discover your own “Golden Age.” Have your own Olympics in your own Elyesian Fields, and remember: Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.

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