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This Doctor Says Smoking Can Make Your Nipples Fall Off

This Doctor Says Smoking Can Make Your Nipples Fall Off

Odds are you’ll best recognize Anthony Youn from the phrase, “Who in the hell is Anthony Youn?”

Well, it turns out Youn is a doctor, and he is offering up the shocking revelation that…wait for it…smoking can make your nipples fall off. That’s right, kids. According to Dr. Anthony Youn’s website, “smokers who undergo breast lifts are at great risk of losing their nipples.”

“The nicotine in cigarettes and the carbon monoxide contained in cigarette smoke can diminish blood flow to various parts of the body,” Dr. Youn said. “These toxins act as a virtual tourniquet. If the blood flow to a particular body part becomes greatly reduced or halted, that body part dies.”

If you think this is just some theory Dr. Youn has trumped up to scare everyone away from burning heaters, well, think again. He actually had a patient whose nipples damn near fell off.

“In my memoir In Stitches, I told the story of a smoker whose nipples turned purple while undergoing a breast lift surgery,” Dr. Youn said. “Purple is the precursor to black. Black is the precursor to falling off. To save the patient—and her nipples—we turned to the only treatment available. We went medieval. We used leeches.”

So if cancer and shitty lungs aren’t enough to scare you away from a pack of Pall Malls, maybe Dr. Youn’s new warning to smokers who have also had some kind of plastic surgery performed on them will do the trick: “If you are having a breast lift or reduction and you smoke, your nipples could turn black and fall off. If you are having a tummy tuck and you smoke, you may get an infection resulting in a big gross open wound that will take three months to heal. If you are having a facelift and you smoke, the skin of your cheek could turn black and slough off, leaving exposed fat.”

Yeah, no thanks.

 

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