Drunk Man Sets Self On Fire While Torching Enemy’s Van


It’s been a bad news day for vehicles. First, we learned of a man who went full Walter Sobchak on his own Mercedes after the dealership failed to replace or service it. Now I bring tidings of an arsonist who torched an enemy’s van in Whitefield, England, setting himself on fire in the process.

According to the Bury Times, Kieran Crampton, 23, of Radcliffe, was feeling aggrieved towards his former bosses Jason and Samantha Webster. (He’d reportedly harassed them on other occasions, but they had yet to call the cops on him.) And so, after building up some liquid courage at the pub, he set out to teach them a lesson by setting their £11,000 van — as well as a decent portion of his own body — on fire.

Around 3am, he bought a can of “petrol” and proceeded to walk one mile to the couple’s house. As you can see in the CCTV footage, Crampton doused the van in gasoline and lit a match, at which point it erupted with a satisfying “fwoosh.” Only, whoops, he forgot to stand back as he did it, and his arms did a “fwoosh” of their own.

Upon reviewing the footage, police hoofed it to the local burn ward, where they caught him red handed. Given the evidence at play, it was not hard to convict him of the deed. Via the Bury Times:

Crampton appeared at Bolton Crown Court last week where he was jailed for 40 months after admitting one count of arson and he was also ordered to pay £1,020 costs.

When reached for comment in my imagination, Crampton said it was totally worth it.

While this guy might seem uncommonly stupid, this is far from the first time this has happened in the UK; just last year, a man caught fire under similar circumstances in Falinge, Rochdale. Mother England shall have to step up her game if she wants to compete with the long list of accomplished arsonists produced by her own former colonies.


Drunk Man Sets Self On Fire While Torching Enemy’s Van

3 replies on “Drunk Man Sets Self On Fire While Torching Enemy’s Van”

I wonder what hurts more for him: the stupid or the burns?

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