Previous
Next
We don’t usually get into politics here. However, our system has devolved into such a ridiculous poo-flinging circus of partisan bullshittery, we feel it is our duty to expose the very worst of a few presidential candidates. These folks represent America’s decline better than Iggy Azalea’s rise to fame, better than Bieber’s mass cult, better than $18 trillion in debt. Let us share with you a few of their dirty deeds.

Note: More Republican candidates have entered the race thus far, and that is why we’ve left out Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, Lindsey Graham, Bobby Jindal, Rand Paul, Rick Santorum, and Rick Perry—y’know, for the sake of equality. (Six vs. Six.)

Republicans:

Donald Trump
Living, Worst Republicans
Trump sued author Timothy O’Brien in 2006 for claiming his net worth was somewhere in the ballpark of $200 million. For $5 billion. In 2009 ,a New Jersey judge dismissed the defamation suit, probably due to its inane stupidity. And in 2015, he said Mexican illegals are rapists.

Mike Huckabee
Living, Worst Republicans
Huckabee defended the Duggars to the bitter end. Prior to that, he criticized Obama for allowing his daughter to listen to Beyonce, arguably more than he criticized the Duggars. Choosing battles unwisely, anyone?

Scott Walker
Living, Worst Republicans

As Wisconsin’s governor, he brought the state to dead last in job creation in the Midwest, despite promising 250,000 private-sector jobs before his first term. He also dropped out of Marquette University with a George Dubya-esque GPA of 2.59. (According to his face, this makes sense.)

Chris Christie

Christie is pretty much responsible for closing two lanes (out of three) on the George Washington Bridge as payback against a New Jersey major for not endorsing him during the 2013 gubernatorial election. One of his former allies, David Wildstein, pled guilty, and his lawyer recently said “evidence exists” that Christie knew about it the whole time.

Jeb Bush

The Jebster is a staunch advocate for education reform. His love of Common Core is unparalleled. But is one to trust him considering during his tenure as governor of Florida, from 1999 to 2007, tuition costs went up nearly 57 percent in the state?

Marco Rubio
Living, Worst Presidential Candidates
Rubio’s “water bottle moment” during the State of the Union Address in 2013 was arguably the lowest point in his career. Take what you will from it, but many believe it to be a sign he has trouble handling big moments; and we can all agree staying cool under pressure is one of the most important aspects of being a leader.

Democrats:

Hillary Clinton

Living, Worst Presidential Candidates
During the Watergate investigation in 1974, Hillary’s supervisor refused to write her a recommendation letter due to “lying, unethical behavior.” Jerry Zeifman, a lifelong Democrat, said, “She was an unethical, dishonest lawyer. She conspired to violate the Constitution, the rules of the House, the rules of the committee and the rules of confidentiality.” Perhaps as a result, Hillary also allegedly once called an aide a “fucking Jew bastard,” as three witnesses swear their life on it.

Jim Webb
Living, Worst Presidential Candidates
According to an aide, Webb once almost beat a man to death. “I had him by the hair and was beating his head on the sidewalk when he suddenly went limp on me. Then it came to me: I had killed the son of a bitch…” Webb went on to revive the man, only to continue fighting with him thereafter.

Bernie Sanders
Living, Worst Presidential Candidates
Sanders likes to make false claims to bolster his self-described socialist agenda. He once said America has the “highest rate of childhood poverty of any major country on Earth.” Anyone with half a brain stem knows this isn’t true. He also said, “Poverty levels (are) at an all-time high” in 2013 on MSNBC, conveniently forgetting about the Great Depression.

Lincoln Chafee
Living, Worst Presidential Candidates
After his last term as governor of Rhode Island in 2014, Chafee’s approval rating was a piddling 26 percent. He had the audacity to run for reelection.

Martin O’Malley
Living, Worst Presidential Candiates
O’Malley’s tax policies as Maryland governor led to the exodus of 31,000 taxpayers in only four years. (Virginia is now home to 11,455 ex-Marylanders.) The state lost more taxpayers in just three years than 43 other states in eight years. Maryland swiftly elected a republican in O’Malley’s absence.

Joe Biden (hasn’t announced, but probably will)
Living, Worst Presidential Candidates
Besides being creepy with kids, sniffing defense secretaries’ wives’ hair, referring to Jews as shylocks and telling crowds of black people that Mitt Romney will put them back in chains, one is hard-pressed to find dirt on Ol’ Joe.

EXPOSING THE WORST OF 12 CURRENT PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES
Previous
Next
Please wait...
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!