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Florida Man (Of Course) Goes On Vandalism Spree Because He ‘Masturbated Too Much’

william-thomas-mug-shot

A Florida man is accused of vandalizing a home, but he had a good reason, he masturbated too much caused him to feel like “going out and destroying stuff.”

William Timothy Anderson Thomas is accused of damaging property in Clearwater, Florida. At 2 p.m. on April 8, police were called to the frenzied scene where Thomas was shirtless and covered in dirt.

From WFLA:

According to an arrest affidavit, a trailer tire had been flattened, a window on the house was broken, and a mailbox, a real estate sign and a garden angel were completely destroyed.

The reason for all this ruckus?

Police say Thomas admitted to willfully and maliciously damaging the property. “He also stated he had listened to too much music and masturbated too much and he felt like going out and destroying stuff,” said the arrest affidavit.

Thomas was arrested and charged with burglary and criminal mischief. He was booked into the Pinellas County Jail with bond set at $7,000.

shakeweight[1]

Um. I don’t think jerking off caused this gentleman to go berserk. In fact, I’m positive that masturbation didn’t drive this man to go on a vandalism spree. Jerking off zaps your energy. Stripping off your shirt and doing crazy shit in public sounds like the effects of salvia, meth or bath salts not whacking it to casting couch porn.

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