Fox Sportsbro Throws Hissy-Fit Over His Lice-Ridden Son Getting Kicked Off A Plane

Fox Sports contributor Clay Travis is ready to join the very exclusive club of terrible people who are very mad at Delta airlines for incredibly ridiculous reasons.

For you see, Travis — a man so manly he literally wrote a book titled Man: The Book, a man so tough that his personal slogan is “don’t be a pussy” — was told, after it was discovered that his son had lice, that his family would not be able to board their plane until they took care of the situation. Appalled, Travis wrote a lengthy post on his blog decrying the completely reasonable policy.

When we landed in Minneapolis, the entire plane emptied and a flight attendant who looked a bit like Nurse Ratched from “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” approached us and said that we would not be allowed to take our connecting flight and would have to leave the airport in Minneapolis.

This, as you can well imagine, did not please me.

“We are not staying in Minneapolis,” I said. (At this point I also started thinking, I don’t want to turn into that Asian doctor and get dragged off an airplane by securityEspecially since I defended the airline in that case with this article. I get that airline personnel have difficult jobs. But I did tell Nurse Ratched that I was a lawyer and hadn’t been able to find any policy about lice online, that we were traveling back from Europe and just wanted to get home and only had a short flight.) She was not helpful.

Apparently, Travis’ amazing lawyering abilities did not help him locate the part of Delta’s contract of carriage that says they can kick people off flights if they pose a risk to other passengers. Passengers who might not be super into getting lice from his precious, precious child.

As Travis himself points out, he did indeed take United’s side when they dragged a senior citizen off a plane. But that was totally different. That guy didn’t even have lice. And airlines can do whatever they want to you, so long as you are, I guess, an elderly Asian man and not a famous guy who talks about sports on TV.

That’s why I find this doctor to be the true villain in this story. He doesn’t own his seat, he doesn’t have a legal right to dispute his eviction, airlines have the right to kick people off their planes and refund their money when they decide to do so at their discretion. You agree to that when you buy the ticket. If you don’t want to give up that right you can drive or walk instead. Here is what you agree to when you purchase a ticket to fly on an airline in the United States. Of course, most people don’t actually read the fine print on their tickets. But your ignorance of the contract you’ve agreed to is no defense.

Karma is just the best, no?

Travis was also very upset that the whole family had to be checked for lice, even though only the one kid had it! This is despite noting it had only been recently discovered as a few hours ago, despite him having contracted it weeks before, because lice doesn’t always make your head start itching right away. Meaning that, yes, the rest of the family totally could have it and not know.

It is at this time that I really feel the need to share the description of Travis’ “Man: The Book” on Amazon:

The newly favored man is not really a man at all, but a hairless, effeminate, germ-fearing, non-meat-eating, exfoliating, wristband-wearing woman of the worst order. We as men are told that we must embrace the sacred feminine in ourselves, even if it doesn’t actually exist, and become the very quintessence of woman, plus penises. This situation is untenable. This trend must stop.

Some hard-and-fast rules from Man: The Book

-If something happens to the pilot, you must land the plane.
-If you’re tweezing your eyebrows, you might as well go ahead and wax your labia too.
-If a sandwich anywhere costs more than a steak at Outback, do not purchase it.
-A sister’s cleavage is always fair game, unless it is your own sister.
-If it gets you into bed with a girl, it isn’t a lie.
-Since 1997 is over, no more tribal band tattoos allowed. Period.
-Men who aren’t diehard fans of at least one NFL team should be looked upon with scorn and suspicion.

Oh man, what a manly man he is! Throwing a tantrum because people don’t wanna fly on a plane with your lice-ridden child is surely the essence of all that is Alpha.

Travis notes that many schools don’t even send kids home anymore for having lice. But let’s just point out that airplanes are not schools, and that if the lice were to spread for any reason, and Delta was aware that your child had lice, they could end up getting sued. You know, by people who are not manly enough to be cool with getting lice. Just a thing to consider!


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