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Girl Turns Down Dinner Date With Guy, Guys Freaks Out, Says ‘A Plump Chick With High Self Esteem Is Like A Unicorn’

If there’s one thing that’ll change a girl’s mind and get you laid, it’s insulting her physical appearance and then telling her that she should have lower standards because she’s fat. Works every time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spontaneously ripped off all my clothes and started gobbling down dick after hearing “Hey Rebecca, you’re ugly and fat and won’t hook up with me!” It’s like kryptonite to us gals, except by “kryptonite,” I truthfully mean “If you’re looking for a guaranteed way to die alone, you’ve found it.”

I’m hoping, really hoping, that the guy in the following conversation is simply looking to cement the idea that he’ll die in a nursing home bed at the age of 80, surrounded by zero people. If that’s not the case, then I am sad that there are people out in the world who are this socially incompetent.

I know it’s the latter, but can we please just pretend today? For once?

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